The Honeymoon of Regina Mills
by QueenMills
Summary: Sequel to The Ultraviolence of Regina Mills. Cora is losing what's left of her mind. Regina might not be strong enough to handle this, but Emma is always right there to catch her. What happens when Emma needs some saving? Angst everywhere. xoxo
1. Chapter 1

The Love Game of Regina Mills

 **Welcome to another lovely tale! I promise that this story is going to be fluffier. All of you who stuck it out through the last fic are probably ready for it. Now, this fic is still going to be pretty angsty, so get ready for that.**

 **Anything in italics is a flashback.**

 **Trigger Warnings:**

 **Self-harm, Drug use, addiction, noncon, violence, child abuse, character death (Cora)**

 **There will also be mentions of DragonQueen, Swanfire, StableQueen, and whatever Lily/Emma's ship name is. Established CaptainCharming.**

Chapter 1: Burnt Norton - Interlude

When a family member gets sick or dies, the rest of the family often shows their truest colors. The Long Island house, so often neglected, was full of guests this weekend. Regina, Snow, Henry, Emma, and Zelena sat at the table, hoping for another hour of peace as they got to know one another.

"So, you must be Henry." Zelena said, as warmly as she could manage. He sulked in his seat.

"And you're Mary Margaret, right?" She added. She smiled, but the whole table could tell it was forced.

"Yes, I am. I'm Regina's step-daughter by marriage." Snow said quietly. Zelena raised an eyebrow and shot a glance at her half-sister, whose hand was tangled in Emma's.

"Oh?" She asked. They were all grateful that she didn't inquire further.

"Where are you from?" Mary Margaret asked gently.

"Oh, I grew up in London." Zelena shared. Henry seemed to perk up at this.

"Like, in England?" He asked. Zelena nodded.

"We went and saw some shows there when I was ten." He explained. Zelena smiled.

"It is a lovely city." She said. Then a silence filled the room, perpetuated by Regina's mute tongue. She had no idea what to say, and she didn't have the energy to pretend that she was enjoying this. Emma, for better or worse, had offered to come for the weekend to support her, but she felt wildly out of place per usual. Then, they heard the sounds of stirring from down the hall and both Zelena and Regina visibly bristled.

"Take Henry and Snow out for lunch." Regina whispered to Emma. The blonde nodded and allowed the half-sisters to rise and make their way down the hall to their mother. This certainly wasn't the most ideal relationship, but Emma was here to help.

"Prepare yourself." Regina said, her voice tight with anxiety. Zelena regarded her for a moment.

"What do you mean?"

"Mother may not know who you are. She may not know who I am. It all depends on the day or the hour." Regina explained, as calmly as she could. Her enormous wellspring of anger was being contained for now. And oh, she was angry. She was angry with her mother for the lies and the omissions of truth. How could she have kept a sister from her for all these years? That, and the millions of other reasons. She knocked gently on the door.

"Mother?"

"Regina?" Cora answered. They entered. Cora was sitting at the vanity Regina had brought for her. She was fussing with her hair. Regina walked over to her and took the brush off of the table.

"Would you like me to brush your hair?" She asked gently. Cora shot her a look.

"I'm not an invalid." She snapped. Regina sighed. Great. She was already in a mood. Regina looked at Zelena. If you're here to help, then help. She passed the brush to her. Zelena accepted it and made a face.

"Why don't you let Zelena brush your hair, mother?" Regina offered. Cora smiled and nodded and a white hot flame erupted in Regina's heart. Zelena noticed, but said nothing. She brought the brush through Cora's hair.

"It's so nice to have you here, dear." Cora said kindly, "You know, I have another daughter named Regina. She's not as nice as you."

Regina seethed in the background, but refused to let her anger show too much. How quickly she was forgotten. She wondered whether or not Cora was doing this to spite her, but she stayed her temper. Zelena smiled and continued to run the brush through her mother's red hair.

"Why don't we go to the theatre later? You know how I love that." Cora said. Regina had always been the one to go to the theatre with her mother, but it seemed that none of that mattered now. Cora's condition had worsened in the past few weeks as they had weaned her off of her coke habit. Without the stimulant, Cora's mind seemed sluggish. She couldn't seem to recall basic information and she often preferred Zelena to Regina. It was odd, but who could be angry with her? Well, Regina could, of course, but it was fruitless to express it. Zelena was the golden child somehow. Abandoned by Cora as a baby, this perfect daughter had emerged with a sense of possibility. Cora only ever saw Regina as a failed attempt at becoming powerful. It was almost as if her marriage to Leopold had never happened. All the gaps in Cora's memory were quickly filled by lies she told herself.

"Where is Henry?" Cora growled. Zelena looked to Regina for help.

"Mary Margaret and Henry went out to lunch." Regina supplied, leaving Emma out of it. She didn't want to fight this early in the day.

"Where are we, dear?" Cora asked Zelena.

"We're at your house in Long Island." She answered.

"Oh."

Elsewhere, at the only diner in the area, Mary Margaret, Henry, and Emma waited for the waitress to bring them their meals.

"So, Grandma can't remember anything?" Henry asked. Emma sighed, looking away. Man, this was awkward.

"Yes, Henry. She has Alzhemier's. Her short term memory is degenerating." Snow said quietly. Emma wrung her hands together.

"And Aunt Zelena is here to take care of her." Henry continued. Snow nodded and pulled Henry into a hug.

"I'm worried about Mom." He whispered. That was certainly understandable. They were all worried about Regina. They all knew the nature of Regina and Cora's relationship; that it was less than ideal. Even Henry knew to a certain extent. The fact that Regina was caring for her was a fascinating mystery. After all of the violence and pain, it was strange to see Regina being so tender to the old woman even if her demeanor was cold.

"Your mom is a tough lady." Emma said.

"And she's got you to help her." Henry said, smiling. Yeah, Emma supposed he was right. She supposed that what she was doing was helpful. She ran her hands through her hair and tried not to think about the drink she so sorely wanted. Later, when they returned to the house, Regina was sitting in the living room, alone.

"Mother and Zelena are out by the lake." Regina said quietly as the little party entered the room. She was sipping on a glass of wine. Emma's entire body was on alert. They had discussed her past with alcohol briefly and Emma hadn't asked her to keep it out of the house or anything. It was fine. Yes. This was fine. Mary Margaret took Henry's hand.

"Why don't we go watch TV." She said. Henry nodded and the couple were alone at last. Emma shuffled her feet.

"Is the wine bothering you?" Regina asked, her voice strained and lacking the concern she felt.

"No, it's fine. Are you ok?"

"Not really."

"That's fair." Emma said, joining her on the couch. She took her free hand, but it wasn't enough for Regina. She quickly placed the wine glass on the table and crashed her lips onto Emma's. She was all teeth and growls. This was how things had been since Cora had been diagnosed. Regina kicked off her heels and straddled Emma's lap. She ground her hips against the blonde, moaning. Her dress was riding up her thighs, begging to be ripped off. It was tough because Emma loved this. She loved how sexy and wanton Regina had been, but she knew that this was only masking the pain that was surging inside of her. They probably should have stopped and talked about her feelings, but they didn't. Regina dragged her lover to the bedroom instead. The door slammed behind them. Regina pushed Emma back, towards the bed, but Emma struggled.

"Regina." She said, slightly warning and slightly aroused. The brunette paused, her lips red from hurried kisses. They couldn't stop for long or else Regina might start processing her emotions and that was not on her agenda today. Their faces were inches away from each other, breath ragged and husky.

"What?" Regina asked. Emma kissed her gently on the cheek.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk?"

"Positive." Regina whispered, running her hands over Emma's sides. She gripped her ass, almost clawing at it. Then she leaned in close to whisper in her ear.

"Did you bring it?" She asked. Man, Regina was making it hard for Emma to want to be responsible. The hands moved from Emma's ass to the backs of her thighs, fingers rising to the apex in between them.

"Yeah." Emma whispered. The hands disappeared.

"Then go get it." Regina said, drifting to the bed. She slipped out of her clothes in a flash, leaving only her underwear on. Emma swallowed hard, and walked to her bad. Fine. If Regina wanted to fuck the pain away, then they would. She made a mental note to insist on talking next time, but that was next time or after. She couldn't quite think straight. Her core throbbed with need. She sifted through her duffel until she found the shiny new strap-on Regina had insisted that she bring. She undressed, slid into the harness, and turned around. The regal woman was laid out on the bed, her eyes dark with lust. No more worrying. No more thinking. Emma walked toward her, slow and teasing.

"Come here." Regina growled. Emma smirked and crawled onto the bed, but didn't go any further. She could feel the brunette tense with anticipation across the sheets. Making her wait was becoming one of Emma's favorite games.

"Miss Swan if you don't get over here right now-"

"You're impatient." Emma said, chuckling. Regina's eyes flashed and a scowl was forming on her scarred lip. Emma reached a hand out to her lover, finally touching her. She ran her fingers over the scar and then dipped them inside the warmth of Regina's mouth. Teeth nipped her and she pulled back. Regina smirked, her muscles coiling to pounce. This was the calm before the storm, and oh, what a storm it was going to be. A moment passed, then another, but Emma didn't move. Finally, the waiting game was over and Regina lunged, taking Emma's lips with a forceful kiss. Her hands flew over breasts and hips and cheeks, wild with desire, but messier than usual. Emma ripped free.

"Oh, is there something you want?" Emma whispered. Regina glared at her, hating and loving the teases in equal measure.

"Don't be coy, dear."

"Ask and ye shall receive, _dear_." Emma taunted.

"Emma-"

"Ask." Emma said plainly. Regina's eyes glittered with rage and lust and maybe something else that neither woman could place.

"Fuck me." Regina said quietly.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Emma mocked. Regina pursed her lips and slid onto her knees. She then turned and leaned onto her forearms, ass in the air.

"Break me in half." She said, a little louder now. Emma smirked and pulled the black lace down and out of her way.

"All you had to do was ask." She said, getting into position.

"If you don't-" But Regina was cut off by the first thrust, hard and fast. Growls quickly became whimpers and moans. This was nothing like their first encounter on Emma's couch. They had been wary then, polite and trying to figure the other person out. This was raw and rough and exactly what they wanted. Mal had always been so lazy from the drugs and her own sense of entitlement, but Emma really worked at it. Each thrust was strong, her pacing consistent and fast. Then she slowed for a moment, teasing and giving Regina a small rest before slamming in again. Who knew the queen was such a glutton for punishment? Once Emma felt that she had done a thorough job of fucking the other woman into submission, she found herself smirking. Regina was lethargic with lust and the pleasure that had so thoroughly rocked through her. Emma pulled out and she moaned, ever so sensitive.

"Flip over." Emma said. She was obeyed quickly. Emma placed the toy against the other woman's clit and rocked gently. Regina writhed beneath her, whimpering and sighing. Finally, Emma entered her again, fucking her hard once more. The groans became harder, more disheveled. Some of them were coming from Emma too. The friction from the strap-on was absolute heaven. She was so close. Emma came first, gently but with satisfaction. Regina came soon after, hard and silent. Emma rolled off of her love and slipped out of the harness, enjoying the calm after the storm. Regina simply laid still, savoring every moment of calm, every aftershock. After a few minutes she pulled her panties back on, got up, and found her cigarettes. She lit one and walked to the window to smoke it. Peering through the blinds, she saw that her half-sister and mother were still down by the lake. This was still her life. She let out a long sigh.

"Come here." Emma said gently. Regina didn't move.

"I don't want to get ash on you."

"I don't care. Just come here." Emma insisted softly. Finally, Regina obliged her. She brought the ashtray on her nightstand into the bed and laid quietly. Emma draped an arm over her stomach, snuggling up to her and planting kisses on her hips.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk to me?" Emma asked gently. Regina's face was refreezing.

"What is there to talk about? My mother is losing her mind. I suddenly have a half-sister whom she adores. At least I have you and Henry...and Snow I guess."

"You do have us."

"I miss drugs, Emma." Regina confessed quietly.

"I know." The blonde said quietly, missing her own vice. They were quiet for a long time after that. What was there to say? Regina missed her drugs, but there was nothing to be done about it. She couldn't go back to them. She didn't want to slip into the darkness again, but oh how it beckoned. Emma felt it too.

"Maybe we can smoke a little later?" Regina said, sighing again. It wasn't going to be half as satisfying as her pills had been, but it was something. Emma chuckled.

"Pot makes you horny." Emma reminded her.

"That's why we're going to smoke it later, when everyone is asleep."

"Alright." Emma said, kissing her lover's stomach. It wasn't a drink, but it would do.


	2. Chapter 2

**Bless you all for your amazing reviews and support. I am honored to have such wonderful readers.**

 **I happen to include song titles as the chapter titles, but this time around I won't be restricting myself to one artist. Maybe I just miss Lana.**

 **I am going to start adding some little dividers for flashbacks and major scene shifts for the sake of clarity. I hope it makes things a bit easier.**

 **xoxo**

Chapter Two: High by the Beach

If it weren't for the sweaty memories and current catastrophe, Regina might have been able to really love the house in Long Island. As things were, she almost viewed it as a sort of hospital. It lacked the smells and constant activity, but the ominous shadow hung above them all the same. It was difficult to focus on anything but that shadow sometimes. Her mother had kept such a secret from her. Gold had done the same, but Regina expected that from him. She knew that her mother wasn't perhaps, the most forthcoming with sensitive information, but this? Regina heart pricked at the thought of it. She sat with her half-sister on the patio in the back of the house, enjoying the sea breeze. Cora had chosen to take a nap. Emma, Snow, and Henry were probably still watching Guardians of the Galaxy. That left the siblings to themselves.

"You know, this is a lovely house." Zelena said, smiling a little too wide. Regina sighed and tried to smile past the anger she felt.

"Thank you. It was a gift for her. She never really cared for it though. Mother preferred the pulse of the city, I suppose."

"A gift? Wow. From who?" Zelena asked, still attempting to force politeness.

"My late husband." Regina said stiffly. It seemed they had to talk about this at some point.

"I'm sorry for your loss. May I ask what happened?"

"He was murdered by his PR agent."

"My goodness. That's so…dramatic." Zelena said. Regina felt as though she wanted to melt into the floor and disappear. Or scream. She really wanted to scream, but she feared that if she started, there would be no end.

"Yes. It was all very dramatic. We were even harassed by paparazzi for a while." Regina said, looking away and wishing she was somewhere else, maybe even someone else.

"That all sounds rather exciting."

"It wasn't…" Regina said. They grew silent for a few minutes. What was there to say? Well, there was too much to say.

"So, how long are you planning on staying?" Regina asked. Zelena sighed.

"I'm not sure yet. I suppose that depends on what you plan to do with her." Zelena said, her feigned cheeriness slipping slightly. Was that a bit of anger peeking through, perhaps resentment? The target was not clear to Regina, but she noticed.

"I haven't decided yet, truth be told."

"I see. Well, I have a very flexible job, so I can stay for as long as you would like me to." Zelena offered.

"And what is it that you do, exactly?" Regina asked, but she received no answer. Henry was standing in the doorway looking rather anxious.

"Uh, mom?"

"What's wrong?"

"Grandma needs you." He said. Regina rose and walked towards the door. The urge to scream came back. Oh how she wanted to scream. Zelena didn't follow her as she walked through her house to find her mother.

"Regina?" Cora called. Emma and Mary Margaret were standing with her, but she seemed to be ignoring them completely. Once Regina was in the room, Cora smiled. She actually smiled and rather than feeling any sense of joy, Regina only wanted to scream.

"What's wrong, mother?" She asked quickly. Cora looked at Emma and Mary Margaret and then back to Regina, beckoning her closer.

"Where are we?"

"We're in your Long Island house."

"And why are these people here?"

"This is Mary Margaret, your granddaughter."

"And her?" Cora asked. Regina took a long look at her mother. Her face was softer than usual, more confused. Maybe this was the right time to take a chance.

"This is Emma, my girlfriend." Regina said gently. Cora's face screwed itself into a look of confusion.

"You're not a lesbian." She said. Snow and Emma exchanged a look.

"Mother I-"

"What would your husband say?" Cora snapped. Regina wondered where we mother was today? Was this when she was 19, or was she in her twenties now? The doctors said that Cora would "travel back in time" as her illness progressed, but who knew where she was? Sometimes she knew what was going on, but most of the time she really didn't.

"Leopold is no longer with us." Regina said calmly, sparing Snow a nastier explanation. Emma put a hand on Regina's shoulder.

"Did he throw you out for fornicating with that blonde bitch?" Cora snapped. Regina's jaw tightened and she moved away from Emma.

"Mother, would you like to spend some time with Zelena?" She said. Cora furrowed her brow.

"How do you know about her?"

"She's here. Would you like me to get her?" Regina pressed. Cora just stared at her for a few seconds, clearly growing more confused.

"Where are we?" She asked.

"We're in the Long Island house." Regina said, her flurry of emotions growing more violent. Cora got up and moved to her bed, looking for something. Emma tried to touch Regina again, to calm her down, but the comfort was lost in Regina's icy rage. Mary Margaret bit her lip.

"Regina, would you like me to go find Zelena?" She asked gently. Cora continued to search for something and she only grew more frustrated as she couldn't find it.

"Please." Regina said. Snow was out of the room in a flash, eager to get away from the mounting tension. She hurried to the back of the house, where Zelena and Henry were talking.

"Hey." She said.

"Well, Henry, duty calls." Zelena said, smiling. She always seemed to be smiling. He nodded and Zelena walked into the house. Snow sat down where the stranger had sat.

"I want to go home." Henry whispered. Snow sighed.

"I know. So do I. We'll be on our way tomorrow." She assured him.

"I'm worried about mom." Henry said, tears springing to his eyes.

"She'll be ok, Henry. Emma's here and Zelena is helping a lot."

"I know, but she seems so angry."

"She is angry." Snow said gently.

"I hate Cora." He said firmly.

"Hey, now. She can't help that she's sick."

"This is all so messed up." Henry said, crying. Mary Margaret moved closer to him and took him into her arms. He was right. This was all so very messed up.

((Nine years ago…))

 _Regina lay in the hospital bed, horrifically still. Her body ached with rage and fear and all the pills they had pumped out of her body. She was still here. How? How was she still here? She had been so meticulous. She shouldn't be here. No. No, she couldn't be here. Maybe this was the afterlife. Maybe this was hell. Her consciousness blurred in and out, but the sinking realization hit her. She was alive and she was in the hospital. Fuck._

 _"Mrs. White, there is someone here to see you." A nurse said gently. Where had she even come from? Who wanted to see her? Regina didn't think she could face Leopold or Mary Margaret. Her visitor was neither one of them._

 _"Jesus, Regina." Mal said, walking into the room. Regina's lips trembled._

 _"Mal." She croaked. Maybe this was heaven instead. The blonde didn't say anything, she just walked slowly to the side of the bed and took Regina's hand. They had known each other for so long, but when had they become friends? Regina couldn't seem to understand why she had come._

 _"If you wanted to go, then you should have said something." Mal said, maintaining her snarky tone. Regina's eyes scanned her face._

 _"Why are you here?" Regina whispered. Mal chuckled._

 _"I'm your friend, aren't I? Isn't this what friends do?" She asked. Regina's lips trembled and her jaw tightened, but she couldn't keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks. Mal leaned down and kissed her hand._

 _"You want to go to the beach when you get out of here?" Mal asked, running her fingers over Regina's cheek. It was so sweet, so sweet. Oh god. Regina didn't deserve this._

 _"Does my mother know?" Regina whispered suddenly. Mal shook her head._

 _"No, she doesn't. I saw her this morning."_

 _"She can't know, Mal."_

 _"I know."_

Regina watched her mother struggle to find whatever it was she was trying to find. Emma just stood there, hoping she would magically become invisible.

"Mother, what are you looking for?" Regina asked finally. Cora's eyes snapped around, glaring a hole into her daughter.

"My medicine." She said.

"Mother, you don't take that anymore." Regina reminded her. Cora's face grew angry.

"Oh? Why the hell not?"

"Because you're very sick and it was making you worse."

"Well call Gold and tell him to bring me some. I need to go to work." Cora snapped. Regina sighed.

"Mother, I'm not getting you any coke." She said firmly.

"Then I'll do it myself. Like I do everything." Cora said. She turned back to her search, now for the phone. Her cell phone was in Regina's pocket though. It was best if she didn't have it. After what felt like far too long, Zelena appeared in the doorway and walked into the room. Cora looked up and her mouth fell open.

"Zelena!" She said.

"Hello, mum."

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to visit you."

"Well, right now I need to get ready for work, so I will have to see you later." Cora said. The whole room seemed to grow tenser.

"But thank you for coming to visit." Cora said, warmly. Then she returned to her search. Wait, what was she looking for? Regina turned and looked at Emma, then nodded for her to leave. The couple walked out of the room without a word. Hopefully Zelena could manage on her own for a bit. Regina walked through the house with Emma trailing behind her. She walked to the back patio where Snow and Henry were talking and she walked right past them. Emma shrugged at them as she followed. Regina just kept walking. She walked through the yard and past the back gate. She walked all the way to the beach. She discarded her heels and walked into the water, not even caring that her clothes were going to get wet. She just walked. When the sea was up to her waist she finally stopped. She didn't want to die, but she didn't want to live through this anymore. She just wanted…Oh god, what did she want?

"Regina?" Emma called from the beach. She was climbing out of her boots so that she could join her in the water. Regina remained silent. When Emma finally reached her, she saw that the brunette was crying. Emma slid into place behind her and held her, planting kisses on her neck and shoulder.

"I can't do this." Regina whispered, "Not after everything she has done."

((Nine years ago…))

 _It was Regina's third day in the hospital. All the pills she had taken had really done a number on her body. If she wasn't in so much pain she would have been thankful for the morbid vacation. Leopold and Snow had come to visit the day before. He had pretended that she was sick with something that wasn't the urge to die. Snow had done a lot of crying, but had been kind. Before she had gone, Regina had asked her not to tell Cora about her hospital visit. She had made her promise not to tell. Regina knew that Leopold wouldn't mention it; he liked to avoid uncomfortable conversations. But Mary Margaret? She would tell her. Regina adjusted herself in the bed, hoping to the god she didn't believe in that her secret would be kept. It was difficult for Regina to believe in god, because if there was one, then he was cruel. If there really was a god, then she never wanted to meet him._

 _"Where is she!?" A voice shouted down the hall. Regina bristled. No. No. No, please no._

 _"Ma'am, I need you to calm down." A nurse said. They were right outside the door. Why hadn't the pills worked? Why was she here? She wasn't supposed to be here and-_

 _"Regina!?" Cora shouted, finally bursting into the room. Regina froze._

 _"Regina, what happened? Why didn't they call me!?"_

 _"Mother, please. I'm fine." Regina said, but it sounded more like a plea._

 _"You are not fine! What happened?" Cora demanded to know. Regina couldn't tell her._

 _"Nothing, mother." Regina said weakly, "I just…I took too many."_

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"I took too many pills." Regina said quietly. Cora's face changed from anger to shock and back to anger._

 _"What?"_

 _"I said I took too many fucking pills, now please go away." Regina snapped. Cora just stood there for a moment, denying what he heard._

 _"No." She said firmly. Regina looked away._

 _"Why are you always doing this!? Why are you always so determined to hurt me?" Cora whispered._

 _"Have I not given you everything? Why are you always trying to throw it all away?" Cora asked, masking her tears with anger. Regina wiped a tear from her own eye._

 _"Because I don't want it. I wanted Daniel."_

 _"This is about that damn Mexican? Really? Oh, grow up, Regina." Cora sneered. Why was her daughter such a fool? All the lessons she had taught her and for what?_

Emma held onto Regina, the waves pushing them forward and back gently.

"We could hire a nurse." Emma suggested. Regina rolled her eyes.

"I don't know if I would actually wish that on someone, no matter how much I was paying them."

"You've got to do something. You can't go on like this forever."

"Maybe she'll just fucking die." Regina snapped. Then, she burst into tears. She hated herself for even thinking that, much less saying it. Cora was her mother. She had to take care of her even if she hadn't been taken care of, even if the heartless woman didn't deserve it. So, Regina cried. She cried for every snap of the belt she had endured, for every screaming match, for every kiss. She cried for Emma and her immeasurable kindness. She cried for Snow and Henry, for their fears. She even managed to shed a tear for herself, but perhaps this was her penance. This was the price for every act of violence and self-indulgence she had committed. If god really was out there, he was a bastard.


	3. Chapter 3

**Get ready for a Cora flashback! I've taken some major liberties with the canon, but let me explain why. Cycles of abuse are complex organisms. Cora was not the start of the cycle; she was merely a cog in the machine. For her to truly delude herself into thinking that she was being a good parent, I found it prudent to make her parents much worse.**

 **Brace yourselves, 'cause Cora's past is a bit darker than canon's version, but hey, that's why you're reading my fic, right?**

 **Rumpelstiltskin's name in this fic is going to be "Robert Gold"**

 **Also: I finally got Honeymoon. Expect some more Lana chapters. She's just so hauntingly perfect.**

Chapter Three: Music to Watch Boys to

Cora had spent the majority of her life working hard and working harder. She sat in a little beach chair on the beach of her home in Long Island, surveying the water. Her daughter, Regina, sat beside her. Her other daughter sat with her too. Cora wasn't entirely sure what they were all doing there. Wasn't it the middle of the day? Shouldn't she be at work? No matter. For now she was going to try and enjoy this, whatever this was.

"You know, this reminds me of when my mother and I used to sit on the beach." Cora said, smiling a bit. Perhaps this would be one of her good days.

"In Florida?" Regina asked. Somehow she could be soft with her mother. Somehow she found it in herself to always be sweet.

"Yes. We would drive an hour to get there and stay all day. Sometimes we would bring some beers for father. I liked it best when he didn't come with us though. My mother was so beautiful. Just like the both of you." Cora said. Regina let herself enjoy this, just a little bit. She was so tired, but perhaps her mother was not quite as awful as she had been. Maybe sobering up was doing her some good.

"You know, I have daughters. Two of them. They don't know each other. The eldest as born out of wedlock, you see. I can tell you this because I'm old now, so it hardly matters. She doesn't live here, but we talk sometimes on the phone. Two daughters. The younger one is so rebellious. She used to ride motorcycles! Can you imagine! Hardly ladylike. Regina and Zelena." Cora said. Then, she grew quiet. Her brow furrowed and her eyes seemed to glaze over, out of focus. Maybe this wasn't one of her good days after all.

"I'm so sorry to bother you, but where are we exactly?" She asked.

"We're at your house in Long Island." Zelena said.

"Why?" Cora asked.

"Because Zelena and I are taking care of you, mother."

"Zelena is here?"

"I'm right here." Zelena said, taking Cora's hand. Cora smiled.

"That's wonderful." Cora said, "Maybe I should call up my beau and we can all go out tonight."

"And where would we go?" Regina said, her tone flippant, but kind.

"Oh we would go everywhere." Cora said, her eyes turning a bit misty. She took Zelena's hand and smiled.

"I did go everywhere. You know I lived in Florida when I was young."

"Yes, you did. Then, Savannah." Regina said, smiling gently.

"Savannah." Cora said slowly. Was she remembering? Perhaps. Her brow furrowed and the sisters expected another round of the usual questions.

"That's where I met the love of my life." Cora said quietly. She placed her hand over her heart. Both sisters knew she wasn't talking about either one of their fathers.

"Robert." Cora whispered, "I didn't marry him, but I loved him. The man I did marry was a fool. A rich fool, but a fool all the same." She looked at Regina with firm eyes.

"Love is weakness and I couldn't be weak." She said. Regina nodded, her heart twisting at the old phrase.

"I had to be better than where I had come from." Cora said, her conviction growing, "Because I came from nothing. My daughter was going to have everything. She wasn't going to live the way I did."

 _((Many years ago…))_

 _Cora's last client of the night left quickly; a small mercy. She laid in her bed, wondering if this would ever end. Perhaps she would go on like this forever. Perhaps this was her inescapable destiny. Her father was in the living room of their tiny, shabby home. He sipped on a tall glass of cheap whiskey and waited for Cora to emerge from her room._

 _"Here." She said, shoving a $200 into his hand._

 _"Where's the rest?" He grumbled._

 _"I took a commission." She said coldly. He scowled, but let her be. It was her body. Some of that money was hers and she was going to fight for it._

 _"Fine, fine. This will do." He said, "This time."_

 _Cora simply made a face and walked outside to sit on the porch. One of her neighbors was cutting their grass. She wondered if he knew what went on next door. She wondered if he knew. Even the thought was mortifying, but she had to persevere. Her body was only flesh and blood. She was so much more than that. She was going to be powerful one day and she would never kneel before a man again. She would never kneel before anyone; they would kneel before her. Any daughter she had, if she had one, would never kneel. That much was certain. When the sun rose in the morning, there was another man waiting for her. There was always a man. Sometimes he was rough, sometimes he was kind. It didn't matter. Cora was always miles away, living the future she knew she would fight for. Then, one morning, there was a prince instead of a man. His name was Johnathan and his kisses were like cloudbursts._

 _"Oh, Cora. You're far too lovely to stay here." He whispered once they were through._

 _"I know that." She said, snarky and grinning._

 _"And so humble too!" He laughed. She kissed him, soft and genuine._

 _"You'll be back, won't you?" She whispered._

 _"Of course. I love you." He said. But he never did come back, did he? Every day that he was gone, the word "love" grew blacker in her heart until it became a curse. Love. What a horrid concept. What did it even mean? Surely this man didn't love her. She didn't love him. Her father didn't love her. Stupid. Then, her period was late until it didn't come at all, and for nine months she thought a lot about love. When the baby was born, she looked down at it: The product of a whore and a john. She looked down at that baby and she knew…She knew she would never love her. She knew she would be ruined. She just knew. They say that when one person leaves your life, another comes in, and you know what? They're right. He was smiling and everything he touched turned to gold._

 _"I hear you promised the hosts of this little party a whole lot of party favors." Gold said, grinning behind his cigarette. Cora ran her hands through her hair. She was just a caterer, not a drug dealer. Where was she going to get a few eight balls in the middle of the night? What money was she going to use? Why had she promised those assholes something so impossible?_

 _"Yeah. It just sort of popped out of my mouth." She said, her nerves surging._

 _"I think it was pretty bold." Gold said, grinning wider._

 _"Bold perhaps, but I should probably get out of here before they realize I have no coke." Cora said._

 _"You know, you might be closer to what you want than you think you are." He said._

 _"Oh? I'm sorry. Were we standing on top of a cocaine mine? Should I lift this manhole and scoop some up?"_

 _"You are a spicy one, aren't you?" Robert said, chuckling, "I might be able to help you."_

Cora was quiet for a few minutes, preoccupied with the ebb and flow of the waves before her.

"I think I gave her that. I think my daughter got everything in the end." Cora said. Regina looked at Zelena, almost guilty for a moment.

"Of course she did." Regina said, unwilling to be angry anymore; not to Cora's face. Zelena's lips were set in a thin line, masking her fury. If everyone were being honest with themselves…Well, they wouldn't be sitting quietly by the beach.

"I had another daughter too, you know, before." Cora said, but then she seemed to get lost again. Zelena didn't even have the energy to get angry about it either. Regina lit a cigarette and took a long drag.

"Do you smoke?" She asked her sister. Zelena shook her head.

"Give me one anyway." She said. Regina chuckled and handed the cigarette over to her. She even helped her light it. Cora held out her hand, waiting for hers.

"You quit six years ago, mother." Regina reminded her. Cora nodded, eyes glazed. They looked out to the waves again. This was their life, for now. They sat outside and listened to their mother tell stories. Sometimes she even finished them. Most of the time she didn't, but the more stories that she told, the more they understood how Cora had come to be. Henry, Snow, and Emma had all gone back to the city a few days prior, but Emma had promised to come back sometime during the week. The hours stretched on. The sun began to sink. When Cora wasn't speaking, Regina looked at the sea and dreamed about Percocet. She thought fondly of Xanax and Oxy and her old life. Regina smoked too many cigarettes and her throat was beginning to feel it. She didn't care. The pills were out of the question and this was what she had left.

"Would you like to eat dinner?" Regina asked Cora after a while. The old woman nodded. So they walked back to the house and Zelena watched as her younger sibling heated some pasta. Cora waited in the dining room, unattended for the moment, but blessedly quiet.

"Have you given any thought to what you're going to do about her?" Zelena asked. Regina sighed.

"I have."

"And?"

"I think we're going to have to put her somewhere." Regina said. The thought of Cora going to a facility turned her stomach, but caring for her did the same, only worse.

"I see." Zelena said, "I take it you're going to be paying for this?"

"Of course." Regina said, but the question pricked her temper just a little bit.

"I only ask because I don't live quite the charmed life you do, you know. Our mother didn't see fit to give me that life she never had." Zelena said, jealousy poking through her words.

"Ok. You know what? We're going to do this now." Regina said, turning off the pasta and turning around.

"Do what?"

"I need you to understand something, ok? Now, I love my mother but do you see this scar?" Regina asked, touching her finger to her lip.

"Yes, but I don't-"

"Mother gave me this scar, along with a thousand others. I get that you are jealous of my money. I understand that, but I need you to back the fuck off because my life has been anything but charmed." Regina explained, her temper straining to be lost.

"Oh, please. So, she knocked you around a bit. Dry your tears with your Versace scarf and get over it. I had nothing growing up and everything I got I worked for. You had it all handed to you on a silver plate."

"Mother deported my boyfriend when I was sixteen because he was a mechanic!"

"Is that supposed to make me feel sorry for you? Try growing up in a conservative Christian household where getting good grades is considered improper for a woman. I would have been thankful for a beating when I was being starved for days on end for even touching a boy's hand! Beatings are quick." Zelena spat. Regina's lip trembled with anger but something inside of her did soften at her sister's words, if only for a moment. The trouble was that Regina's temper was more powerful than her ability to be empathetic.

"Look, I just finished detoxing from painkillers and I'm on a short fucking fuse right now. So, just back off!" Regina shouted.

"Oh, I wish I had the time and money to afford the luxury of a drug habit, you spoiled little princess." Zelena snarled. The vein in Regina's forehead pulsed with fury, but before she could reach out and show Zelena just what she thought of her, a sound broke her attention. Cora was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, tears streaming down her face. The sisters stopped, their anger suddenly seeming petty, childish even.

"Mother I-" Regina started.

"It was all for nothing." Cora whispered. She had worked so hard to give her children everything and yet...

"I'm sorry. My mind is not working so well." Cora said, "Could you tell me where we are?"

So they told her. They told her again later when she asked them as they ate. Regina wondered with a slight sense of horror how this had all happened so fast. How had she not noticed her mother's initial decline? Was this her future? Would she one day ask where they were, eternally angry and confused? Would her role be fulfilled by Henry or would it be Snow who would carry this cross? Later, when Cora was given her medication and sent to bed, Regina sat out on the back patio, smoking a cigarette. Zelena poked her head out of the door and looked at her.

"Can I join you?" She asked. Regina didn't say anything, but she didn't stop her either. Zelena sat in one of the chairs and sighed.

"I'm tired." She said.

"Then go to bed." Regina said coldly. They both sat in silence for a few minutes, unwilling to say what needed to be said.

"It seems our mother really screwed us both." Zelena said quietly. Regina chuckled.

"That she did, Zelena. That she did."

"It's hard to be angry with her now though."

"It is." Regina agreed, blowing smoke into the night air, "But I manage to keep an ember burning."

"As do I." Zelena agreed, "Are you really going to put her into a facility?"

"I don't see any other options. I thought I would be spending time with Henry and Emma by now. We could be on vacation or taking day trips…but I'm here with my mother. I'm so fucking tired."

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't think my husband even misses me. He calls from time to time, but he's probably enjoying himself."

"It doesn't." Regina said, sighing. She looked at her older sister and wondered what horrors she had lived through. It was foolish to compare their battle scars. They had both lived perfectly miserable lives.

"It's not all bad though. I have Roland. He came with Robin from his first marriage. I love him dearly." Zelena said, mustering a smile. Regina turned to her and smiled.

"Children are wonderful, aren't they? I haven't been the best mother, but I want to do better."

"That's all we can do." Zelena said gently. Regina's phone buzzed in her pocket. She put out her cigarette and looked at it.

"Emma's here." She said. Zelena nodded.

"Then I'll be off to bed." She said, rising.

"Zelena?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry." Regina said. The elder sister nodded.

"Yes. I suppose I am sorry too...Now, try not to be too loud, dear." She said, winking. Regina blushed a bit. When they made their way inside, Emma was already opening the front door and letting herself in.

"Hey Zelena." She said, slightly nervous. She didn't know what to make of the older Mills.

"Hello Emma. Be good to her." She said before making her way down the hall and out of sight. Regina smiled and embraced her lover tightly.

"Hey." Emma whispered, kissing her cheek.

"Hey." Regina whispered back. Tears glistened in her eyes.

"Are you alright?"

"I am."

"Ok. You want to go to the room and talk or-" Emma began, but she was cut off by a violent kiss. It seemed there would be no conversations tonight. Regina dragged Emma to the bedroom she had chosen and feverishly unbuttoned Emma's shirt. Emma sighed and let her.

"What's wrong?" Regina said between harsh kisses.

"Regina, I thought we were going to try having a relationship." Emma said, leaning against the door. Regina stopped moving.

"What do you think this is, Miss Swan?"

"There's usually more to it than this." Emma said quietly. Regina looked at her for a moment, then leaned in close, switching tactics.

"Emma, can we fight tomorrow?" Regina asked, kissing a tender spot on her neck. Emma caught herself smiling a little.

"Is this fighting? I imagined it a little more violent."

"Oh?" Regina asked, running her hands down Emma's torso, "Was I breathless and screaming your name in your little fantasy?"

"I mean, you and I have fought before." Emma said, feeling her resolve melting. She was supposed to be encouraging Regina to talk about her feelings, not letting her seduce her…again. Regina kissed her way up Emma's neck, finally resting her lips on her ear.

"Do you want to punish me for it?" She whispered. Emma grinned, feeling the warmth pool in her underwear.

"You're so unfair." She said, chuckling.

 **Drop me some reviews, my dears. More SwanQueen is on the way, but I warn you, the shit is about to hit the fan.**


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter is mostly from Emma's POV, so keep that in mind.**

Chapter Four: Honeymoon

When the sun shone through the windows of their shared bedroom, Regina was already gone. Emma stirred, reaching out a hand to caress the empty space beside her. She sighed, trying to enjoy the warmth of the sheets before getting out of bed. She found the pleasure rather empty and the longer she lay there, the more she realized how absolutely crazy all of this was. It was hard for Emma to judge Regina or this "relationship" at present. Cora's condition was…certainly a factor in making everything weird. Emma wondered when this would change and if she really thought this was worth it. Before she could begin to think through all the reasons why it was worth it, there was a knock at the door.

"Emma?" Regina called softly, opening the door.

"Yeah?" Emma said, pulling the sheets over her chest. Regina stood in the doorway with a peculiar look on her face. Her eyes were softer than usual and there was a careful smile on her face.

"Zelena gave me the day off. She said we could go on a date." Regina said.

"Yeah?"

"And Snow will be coming tonight to relieve her, so we will have until tomorrow if we wish." Regina finished, her smile widening.

"Wow. Must be my lucky day."

"Mine too." Regina said. She walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed, fiddling with the sheet.

"What?"

"Mother has been lucid all morning."

"Oh. That's great, Regina."

"She wants to meet you." Regina said quietly. Emma blinked at her, confused.

"Uh, are you sure that's a good idea? I mean she didn't seem to-"

"I know this is a lot, Emma. I just don't think you're going to get another chance to really meet her…She's not usually herself anymore." Regina said quietly. Emma took a deep breath and nodded.

"Ok." She said. Regina's face lit up a little bit. She smiled.

"Thank you. Now, I'll let you get dressed. You should hurry though. These moments of clarity don't last long." She said, then she left quickly. Emma got up and got dressed with a strange feeling in her gut. It wasn't apprehension, necessarily…but something else. Her heart seemed to want this, and that almost bothered her. By the time she walked out of the room and to the back patio, where Cora was, Emma was more than a little concerned about her own feelings.

"Hello Emma." Cora said warmly, "You will have to excuse me. My mind is not always with me."

"Oh, that's fine." Emma said, walking closer. Regina stood nearby, but far enough away to be out of earshot. Being alone with Cora was more than a little nerve-wracking.

"I wanted to meet you before…Well, you know." Cora said sadly.

"Yeah."

"Do you care about her?" Cora asked suddenly. There was no time for small talk.

"I do." Emma said.

"And Henry?"

"Yeah."

"You're his birth mother, are you not?"

"Yeah, I am. Kind of a crazy situation." Emma said, chuckling nervously. She hadn't even had her coffee yet.

"Take care of her, will you? Regina can be stubborn and willful, but she is deeply sensitive."

"I-"

"I know how this must look. A last ditch effort to seem benign when I know damn well I'm anything but. Just…take care of her and love her if you can." Cora said firmly. Emma nodded, a bit more than overwhelmed. She got to her feet and looked over at Regina, who was turning back to them, cigarette in hand.

"Why don't you get yourself some coffee?" She said. Emma nodded and walked into the kitchen. If she were being honest with herself she would probably have started crying, or punching things, or something. This was way too much. Emma sighed before starting her coffee routine, already knowing where everything was from her last visit. That hadn't even been that long ago! First the detox and now the degeneration of Cora. Emma felt like she could sleep for a week and still not feel rested, but that only made her realize how tired Regina must be feeling. While the coffee brewed, Emma pondered her list of reasons why all of this was worth it. Regina was so many things, all of them terrifying and sort of enchanting.

"Good morning, Emma." Zelena said, sweeping into the room. Emma sort of jumped.

"Oh, uh, hi."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Just thinking." Emma muttered. Zelena nodded.

"There's certainly a lot to think about."

"Yeah."

"She really cares about you, you know?" Zelena said. Emma looked up.

"Uh-"

"Regina, I mean. We were talking about you a bit the other night and she got this look in her eye like, I don't know. She told me about how you helped her detox and such. You're quite the savior." Zelena said warmly, her face full of admiration. If her words were meant to be a comfort or a compliment, they missed their mark. It seemed that every conversation Emma had had this morning had only created an anxious grip on Emma's heart and it was only growing stronger. Before Emma could even comment on Zelena's words, Regina walked into the room with Cora on her arm.

"Shall we eat some breakfast?" She asked. Emma swallowed hard.

"Actually, I think I'm gonna go for a walk." Emma said.

"Oh. Ok." Regina said, a little crestfallen, but understanding.

"I'll be back." Emma assured her.

"Of course." Regina said, not realizing how much Emma's words really meant. Emma took her mug of coffee and walked quickly out of the house. She walked and walked, taking large gulps of her drink and wishing too hard that it was something else. She got to the edge of the beach and wanted to scream as if each breath could save her from inevitable collapse. Her legs itched with the need to run, but she refused and took another sip of her coffee. Ten minutes turned to twenty and soon she was chilly, but she refused to move. She drained her cup and threw it into the ocean. This was too much. This was way too much. Her lungs gasped for air. What was she doing here? She should be at work or at home, not here with this family she wasn't a part of. Did she even want to be?

"Emma?" Regina asked, startling the blonde out of her panic.

"Regina! Hey."

"What happened to your mug?" Regina asked, looking around.

"I threw it into the ocean." Emma realized. Regina laughed and snaked an arm around Emma's lower back. The gesture was meant to be sweet, comforting even, but it only made Emma feel more trapped.

"Are you alright?" Regina asked gently. Emma nodded a little too forcefully.

"Yeah. I'm just thinking."

"Are you sure? I mean-"

"Yeah. I'm fine." Emma said, urging a smile across her lips. This wasn't the right time to make Regina feel any more anxious or concerned. She had enough to deal with without Emma's added emotional turmoil.

"Alright. So, are you ready for our date?" Regina asked, biting her lip. Emma smiled genuinely now. Something normal would be nice for a change. So, they went back to New York City and spent the day just walking the streets, taking it all in. The thrum of the city filled them both to the brim with life, making them giddy with the sheer force of it. They were free for the afternoon and at that moment, it was enough.

"Emma?" Regina asked, leaning on her lover's shoulder. Emma smiled, settling into the park bench.

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm getting a little hungry."

"Oh yeah? Well, where do you want to go?"

"I don't know. Something you like." Regina said. Emma nodded, but felt a slight twinge of her morning anxieties.

"Why don't we just go somewhere close to the Long Island house? That diner, maybe."

"Why?"

"So we can crash soon after." Emma said, a little confused.

"I was actually thinking we could stay in a hotel tonight."

"Really?"

"I've already booked a room at the Plaza…I hope that's ok." Regina said, picking up on a little bit of Emma's unease.

"Y-yeah. Ok. Um. I'm not really dressed to eat there." Emma said, gesturing to her jeans. Regina chuckled.

"Oh come on, Emma. You're perfect just the way you are." She said. Now Emma was really uncomfortable. That word. That awful, awful word. By the time they made their way to the hotel, they were talking comfortably again, but something had happened. Something inside of Emma had told her, begged her, to run. Now, she didn't want to run, but she felt she may have to. After all, what made her think she would fit in with this amazingly rich, wildly damaged woman? Attendants waited on the couple from the moment they walked in and Regina was completely unbothered by it. When they got to their table, a bottle of wine was waiting.

"Oh, sorry Emma. I didn't-"

"No, Regina, it's fine. One glass won't kill me." Emma said. Regina paused, thinking of Emma's past with alcohol. Then again, she didn't know how long ago her alcoholism had ended. What were the rules with this sort of thing?

"Are you sure?" Regina asked, concerned. Emma nodded. Regina smiled and sat down. The waiter poured them both a glass and walked away to give them a minute to settle in.

"I hope this isn't too much." Regina said.

"No, no. It's great." Emma replied quickly, sipping her wine. Oh wow. How she had missed the dry liquid.

"Wow. This is nice." Emma said.

"It's a port. One of my favorites. I'm glad you like it."

"Yeah."

"So…how are you?" Regina asked gently. Emma raised an eyebrow and took another hasty sip of her wine at the strange question.

"I'm good. How are you?"

"Oh, you know. I'm a little tired, but I'm well right now." Regina said, reaching over the table to take Emma's hand.

"What should I get to eat?" Emma asked, moving her hand away. Regina noticed, but pretended she didn't. She should have known this was going to be too much.

"Emma I-"

"Oh, darling! What are you doing here!?" Cruella called, spotting them from across the dining room. She sauntered up without an invitation, with Mal and Ursula in her wake.

"Cruella. Ursula. Mal." Regina said, plastering her most diplomatic smile onto her face. This couldn't have been any more ill-timed.

"And who is this little pup?" Cruella asked, gesturing to Emma. Ursula smirked, but Mal's face remained incredibly neutral.

"I'm Emma. Emma Swan. It's nice to meet you."

"Charmed, I'm sure." Cruella said, "I heard about your mother, Regina. Terribly tragic, that."

"Yes. It is." Regina said. Silence settled on the group.

"Well, do stop by later if you have some time. We're in the usual suite. Ciao, darling." Cruella announced, then began to walk away. Ursula followed, amused, but Mal paused. She looked at Emma and then back at Regina.

"I was sorry to hear about Cora. Let me know if you need anything." She said, her voice kind but a bit tense. She cast another glance to Emma.

"Don't fuck this up." She snarled. Then she followed her companions. Regina let go of a long breath and let her face fall into her hands.

"I'm so sorry, Emma. I had no idea they would be here tonight. I would never-"

"It's fine, Regina. Let's just enjoy our dinner, ok?" Emma insisted. Her nerves betrayed her and she downed the rest of her wine.

"Why don't we take our meal in our room? That way we won't have any more interruptions." Regina offered. Emma nodded. She didn't think she could handle another one of Regina's friends or relatives threatening or advising or anything. She just wanted to spend a quiet evening with Regina.

When the meal was over, Emma was smiling again. She had given in and allowed herself two more glasses of wine with her dinner, but Regina seemed a little too giddy to notice. The bottle was empty and they had moved to the couch to talk. Regina pulled out a cigarette.

"You don't mind, do you?"

"No. Can I get one?"

"Emma. I didn't know you smoked." Regina said with a playful and admonishing tone. The blonde almost told her that she only smoked when she drank, but thought better of it. She accepted the cigarette and they both puffed in silence for a few moments.

"Thank you, Emma."

"For what?"

"This has been a really wonderful date."

"Yeah." Emma said, smiling. She wasn't a woman of many words, but Regina sort of liked that. She was straight to the point. No bullshit. So much of her life had been all about the bullshit and Emma Swan had a way of cutting right through it. Regina reached out and ran her fingers over Emma's thigh. The blonde chuckled, puffing on her cigarette. She exhaled long and slow, then pitched it into the ashtray. Regina was quick to follow and before either one of them could think another thought, their lips were pressed against each other. Shaky breaths and gentle moans permeated the room. Emma's hands gripped Regina's shoulders, then moved down, down to her skirt, skillfully unzipping the back. Regina chuckled into the kiss.

"Yesss." She purred. Emma broke the kiss and moved to the exposed cleavage, rough and eager.

"You're so easy, you know that?" Emma said, unbuttoning the blouse.

"Oh, just rip it open." Regina snapped. Emma did and the heat between them rose to new heights. The skirt was practically torn off.

"Ooooh. Garters. I do appreciate the garters." Emma said, licking her lips. Regina bit her lip.

"Oh, I know, dear."

It was rougher than normal, fast and without any real foreplay, but that suited Regina just fine. It was Emma who was a little surprised. The brunette usually had to ease Emma into a more aggressive role, but tonight was different. Emma was plunging and slapping and biting with a ferocity that shocked them both. She moved down to the apex of Regina's thighs and plated rough kisses and nips.

"Oh, Emma. Harder!" Regina cried. Emma doubled her efforts and bit down on a soft thigh. A cry rang out into the air, but the look on Regina's face spoke volumes.

"Oh, Emma." She purred, her eyes black with lust. Emma kissed the spot she had bitten into and for a moment, this was enough. She slipped her fingers into Regina's sex and a moan erupted from her throat. She was so wet. So ready. So…

"Yes, Emma! Yes!" Regina screamed. The thrusts were precise and as hard as Emma could manage. The queen's nails dug into her back, tensing tighter and tighter and then, she froze. Regina's rode out her orgasm then exhaled, whispering little affectionate phrases.

"You're so beautiful." She said. Emma chuckled.

"I love you." Regina whispered and as soon as the words left her mouth, she sat up, mouth agape, wishing she had said anything else.

"Wait, what?" Emma asked. Regina grabbed for her, trying to pull her in; trying to explain.

"Emma, I was just-"

"Heat of the moment. I get it." Emma said, shaking herself out of Regina's grasp. She started to stand, create some distance. This was too much. All of it. All of it was too much.

"It just slipped out."

"You didn't mean it?" Emma asked, not knowing if she really wanted an answer.

"I didn't say that." Regina said quietly, "You've just been so wonderful since I met you. You took care of me through the detox. You've helped me with my mother…Of course I love you."

"You love what I've done for you." Emma corrected.

"No I-"

"You don't even know me." Emma snapped, trying to pretend that she was laughing it off, like this was casual. Tears welled up in both of their eyes before they could stop them.

"Emma, I know that you didn't have to be so, so kind, but you were. You are. " Regina said. Her voice nearly shook with the sheer force of her passion.

"There's more to me! So much more!" Emma snapped. Her mind drifted to all the wine she had greedily drank that night and her heart hurt a little and her anger rose to cover it.

"I know that! I know you're-"

"No you don't, Regina. You don't know anything about me. You think you can just swoop in and buy me out because you feel guilty about all the things I've done for you, but that's not going to work!" Emma shouted, shocked at her own words. Regina was torn between wanting to lash out and wanting to cry.

"Why are you so angry?" Regina asked. Emma knew. She knew exactly why she was so angry, but she didn't want to discuss it, not with Regina. Emma just shook her head.

"I'm going to go." She whispered, then she left. Regina stared at the door to the suite for a long time. Had all of that really happened? How? She let herself cry a little bit. Everything was just so fucked up. She slammed her hands into the couch and her left rose to strike her chest. It was old choreography, but she didn't follow through. The room felt far too grand, far too open, and far too empty without Emma. How could she have been so stupid? How could either one of them been so stupid? Regina thought back to the wine and she was hit with a wave of unease. She never should have introduced the alcohol.

"Fuck!" She shouted. She got up and paced. Did she really love Emma Swan or was the blonde right? Did she only love the things she did for her? Regina's phone buzzed on the coffee table as if on cue. All it said was that Cruella's party was in full swing…A little party never hurt no one, right? She wasn't going to do any drugs. She was just going to see Mal, maybe even talk to her about this whole Emma situation. She could resist the temptation.

 **I feel super weird about this chapter, so please let me know what you think. Xoxo**


	5. Chapter 5

**Stop what you're doing and go buy Honeymoon on itunes. It's fucking fabulous and the perfect soundtrack for this fic. I changed the name to "The Honeymoon of Regina Mills" because that is what it has become. LOL.**

 **Also: I would like to make a few things clear.**

 **I do not ship Robin with his rapist, Zelena. I simply made a convenient writing choice to exemplify that the Mills women seem to have a knack for getting into loveless marriages and that their dedication is always to their children. I don't know if that was bothering anyone, but it has been a major topic on Tumblr and I felt the need to say something about it.**

 **Emma is afraid of expectations. This is EXCEPTIONALLY clear to me. She sees Regina's love as an expectation to always be the generous protector and that scares the hell out of her.**

 **Regina may be cold and she may have walls, but she feels everything SO deeply. Her feelings about Emma thus far are powerful and positive, but does she really love her? Well, that's something we're going to explore throughout the rest of the fic.**

 **I know that was long, but without further ado…here is chapter 5.**

Chapter Five: Religion

Regina took a deep breath as she stood in front of Cruella's usual suite. Ok. She could do this. She was going to go in, find Mal, and talk to her. She wasn't going to touch any of the many substances that the party was probably engaging with. She was just going to see Mal. Her best friend. Her only friend. Ok. She took another deep breath and knocked on the door. After a few moments, the door was thrown open by Ursula.

"Well, look who finally decided to show up. Get in here." She said, smiling lazily. The smell of pot slammed into Regina's face the moment she entered the room. Cruella was sitting on the couch with a few of her loyal followers, her Diamond Dogs. Mal was nowhere to be seen. The hotel room, though grand, seemed to be in disrepair somehow. The walls were yellowed with smoke and the ashtrays throughout the room were full.

"Darling! Welcome. Oh, how we've missed you at these little soirees. Come, come." Cruella said, practically shouting.

"Can I get you a drink?" Ursula asked as Regina moved to sit in one of the chairs that sat adjacent to the coffee table.

"Sure. Whiskey sour will be fine." Regina said.

"So, where is your little pet swan?" Cruella asked. Regina lit a cigarette and clung to it for life.

"Oh, she's asleep. We've had a long day."

"I bet you have." Cruella said, smirking. She leaned back against the couch and seemed to get lost in the feeling of whatever drugs she was on for a moment. How awkward. Ursula brought the drink and sat in the other chair.

"Sorry about your mother." She said, handing Regina the drink. She nodded and accepted it. She took a long sip.

"It is unfortunate, darling. Do you want some xannies? Maybe a perc?" Cruella asked, still leaned back on the couch.

"No thank you."

"So you really did it, huh?" Ursula asked. Regina nodded.

"Yes. I did."

"But why?" Cruella asked, bursting into a peal of laughter. Regina sighed and took another sip of her drink.

"Back off." Mal said, entering the room. Regina's eyes seemed to light up and dim all at the same time. How she missed her. Oh, how she missed her. The sharp timbre of her voice. The curl of her hair. The way she commanded a room. Regina's heart fluttered wildly.

"Oh, come on. I'm genuinely curious. Why leave all this behind?" Cruella said, gesturing to the suite, to the drugs, and to the lifestyle of the selfish and broken. Did Regina miss it? It was hard to say. She missed things about it. There was a certain honesty to being high all day, nursing your wounds. Sometimes moving through her life without the pills felt like a lie. She wasn't some hero who had her life together. Not at all.

"My son deserves better." Regina said. Cruella almost commented, but thought better of it. Mal's glare was cold.

"Come on." The blonde said. Regina nodded and, with her drink, they walked outside onto the balcony.

"So…Cora's all kinds of fucked up, huh?" Mal asked. Regina nodded.

"I would say so. Alzheimer's is…it really sucks."

"And how are you in all this?"

"I'm…I don't know, Mal. I'm managing." Regina said, looking away. The older woman smiled sadly, and placed her hand on Regina's shoulder.

"I hope Emma is taking good care of you." Mal said gently. It was the kindest thing she could muster.

"She is, but she isn't some white knight, Mal. She's just a person…A generous and kind person, but a person."

"What happened?" Mal pressed. She knew Regina too well, far too well. The brunette let out a long sigh and finished her drink.

"I told her that I love her."

"What? Oh, Regina."

"I know! I didn't mean to. It just slipped out! Honestly, I didn't think she would handle it so poorly…"

"What happened?" Mal insisted.

"She ran."

"Where did she go?"

"I have no idea. She just flipped out and left. She had a couple glasses of wine though. I don't feel good about it."

"So?"

"So she used to be an alcoholic!" Regina snapped. Mal nodded, understanding.

"You really like her."

"Mal, she makes me feel safe…I just think I took too much at once." Regina said sadly. She hung her head and leaned onto the balcony.

"So, what are you going to do?"

"I have no fucking idea." She whispered. Tears threatened to spill out of her eyes. The blonde smirked and took her into a large embrace, hushing her gently. They stood in silence, together for a few minutes. Regina wondered if this would be the last time she would do this. It felt sort of wrong to be so close to Mal given their history. Regina wasn't very good at this whole "relationship" thing. What were the rules? Fuck. What did it matter?

"Do you ever just want to give up?" Regina whispered.

"Oh, stop it. This Emma girl has turned you soft." Mal said. Regina chuckled. Oh, if only her employees could see their "Evil Queen" now. Looking back on all those things…She reached up to the place on her shoulder where the bullet had seared through her skin, broken her bone…Who was that woman? All the chaos and here she was, left to sort through the wreckage. No, she had Henry and Emma…She had Mary Margaret and her mother and even Zelena.

"You're right, but I don't think that it's a bad thing." Regina said, her resolve returning. Mal just chuckled.

"Perhaps not. Are you too reformed to smoke a joint with me?" Mal asked, taking one out of her pocket.

"No, I'm not, but nothing else. No pills. Nothing else." Regina said firmly. It was somewhat for Mal and somewhat for herself.

"Good. Let's get away from these bitches. My suite's down the hall."

So they went past Cruella's protests and catcalls. They walked past Ursula's sad eyes. They walked down the hall and into Mal's suite. This time their shirts stayed on and their lips never came together. Somehow though, this was more intimate than their usual times together. This was just them, together in the silence of the night, smoking a joint as friends. It was like old times, when Regina had been so young and bright-eyed. It was nice, and that wasn't a word either of them were used to using to describe their evenings. Now, nice was the last word Emma was thinking. She was only thinking of one thing: another drink. How many had she had? She didn't know, but the bartender hadn't cut her off so that was a good sign, right? The blonde leaned against the bar, thoughts swirling farther and farther away from her. She tried not to think about the fact that Regina had said those awful words. She tried not to think about the fact that she was probably fucking this up. She took another long swig of her whiskey and it helped.

"Emma?" A voice asked from behind her. She turned and she couldn't believe who she was looking at.

"Oh my god! Lily!? No fucking way!" Emma shouted. New York was just too small sometimes. They embraced.

"What are you doing here? I thought you lived in Brooklyn."

"I do. It's a weird night. I was just looking for a place to think." Emma said, her drunkenness hiding her tumultuous feelings.

"Awesome. Can I join you?"

"Sure."

So she did and the conversation flowed easily, so easily. It was like old times and for a little bit, Emma forgot all about Regina White and her fucked up life. She forgot about love. She forgot about promises and AA chips and the look James was going to give her when he found out. None of that mattered for just one fucking night.

"Honestly? I'm surprised you're even talking to me." Emma said drinking deeply. Man, she was sloshed and she was starting to feel it.

"Why? Because you're my ex? Or is it the fact that you basically said you never wanted to see me again?" Lily said. She was smiling and flippant, but Emma still felt bad.

"Both."

"Don't worry about it, Em. It was college. I lied to you. You were right to be pissed. That was like, a million years ago."

"It was two years ago." Emma said guiltily.

"Come on. It's fine now. So, what are you running from this time?" Lily asked. Emma shot her a look.

"Why do you care?"

"Don't get defensive. Just tell me what's up. Maybe I can help."

"I doubt that." Emma said.

"Man. She must be something special." Lily said.

"What makes you think this is about a woman?" Emma spat.

"Because I know you. So, is she cute?"

"She's more than cute. She's gorgeous."

"Ok. So, what's wrong with her?" Lily asked, ordering herself another drink.

"I don't know. The situation is just super fucked up."

"She's married?"

"Widow."

"Ok. She's got a kid." Lily said, realizing.

"She does, but that's not all of it. I like the kid…" Emma said, unwilling to share more. She was wasted and the room was starting to spin. Her stomach complained about all of the alcohol. Maybe if she just stayed really still, it would go away.

"You alright, Em?"

"Nope."

Regina, on the other hand, was faring much better. She and Mal were laid out on the king sized bed, joint smoldering in the ashtray. They laughed loudly and freely. Oh, how Regina mad missed this. She and Emma never seemed to laugh like this. Everything was always so serious with them.

"Mother totally thought she was you. It was really awkward." Regina said, her laughs coming in slower bursts.

"So, how's this sister character of yours?" Mal asked, lighting a cigarette for herself and for Regina.

"Zelena is odd, but I think I like her. It's hard to say. Everything is so fucked right now."

"Yeah, that makes sense."

"I feel like I'm out of my mind, like this isn't my life. I don't think that's a new feeling though."

"It's not. You talk about that from time to time." Mal reminded her. She could always remember the things that Regina could not. She was always so sure and so strong. The brunette slid closer to her former lover and rested her head on her chest. Mal almost pulled back, but it didn't seem sexual, so she allowed it.

"I miss you." Regina whispered.

"I'm right here, hon." Mal whispered back. Regina laced her fingers into Mal's. The pot was clouding her thoughts, heightening her senses. She pressed her body against Mal's and released a breath. She felt like she was going to explode. There was so much inside of her and she so desperately needed to give it away.

"What if she doesn't love me back?" Regina asked quietly. The blonde ran her free fingers over Regina's cheek.

"Then she's a bigger fool than I was." Mal whispered. The younger woman sat up and looked deeply into the blonde's eyes. She searched from something she couldn't totally identify. Acceptance? Reluctance?

"Mal, I can't." She whispered. Who was she even trying to convince?

"I know. You're with Emma now." She whispered. But Emma rejected her. Emma didn't love her. No. Emma did care about her. Emma stayed through the detox. She helped with Cora.

"I need to call her." Regina said finally. There was a twinge of sadness in her voice. She rose and fished her phone out of her purse, then dialed Emma. She walked out onto the balcony for privacy.

"Hello?"

"Um. Who is this?"

"I'm Lily. Emma can't come to the phone right now." The voice said. Regina's temper flashed white hot. Who was this woman? Perhaps it was her own circumstance that made her jump to conclusions, but she jumped none the less. Emma was with someone else. Emma had rejected her and found someone else, someone easier.

"Well, please let her know that her _girlfriend_ called." Regina snapped.

"Ah, so you're the infamous girlfriend."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"And there's that temper. Huh. She didn't think you would call." Lily said plainly.

"I don't know who you think you are, but-"

"I'm sorry. Look, she'll be all yours tomorrow, but I think it would be best to just leave her be for the night. I'll take care of her." Lily said. It was meant to be comforting, but it definitely didn't register that way. Regina hung up the phone without saying another word. She wanted to throw it. So, all of this was just an act? The detox got her the money and Cora's Alzheimer's got her an easy lay. Emma wasn't in love with her at all. She didn't even care about her. Regina paced back and forth. She gripped her phone tighter and tighter. How had she been so stupid? She walked back into the hotel room where Mal was waiting. There were no words to describe her feelings.

"What happened?" Mal asked, picking up on the panic in Regina's eyes.

"She didn't answer. Some woman named Lily did."

"Oh, Regina."

"She doesn't love me." Regina whispered, tears springing to her eyes. She didn't want to cry. Mal sat up and patted the space on the bed next to her. Regina crawled over to her and nestled in close.

"Lily could just be a friend." Mal offered.

"Didn't sound like it."

"Well, I don't know what to tell you then. Let's just see what happens, ok?"

"When did you get so wise?"

"Shut up." Mal said, chuckling. They laid together. It was chaste, but oh how they didn't want it to be. Maybe Regina didn't love Emma either.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: 24

Self-destruction is a funny thing. People think it happens all at once, but it doesn't. It starts as one skipped meal or an extra cigarette. Maybe it's a workout that burns too much or a fist crashing against your chest or one drink. It always begins with a tiny trickle that accelerates into a steady flow, and before you know it, you're simply drowning.

The first thing that Emma thought when she woke up was: Fuck. Her mouth was dry, her head swam with fog and a little bit of pain. Her stomach churned. She knew these feelings well. She was hungover. The sunlight assaulted her eyes and she turned over to avoid it.

"Good morning, Emma." Lily said, stretching and smiling. No. Fuck no.

"Shit." Emma whispered. How had she gotten here? Why was Lily here? They hadn't….Oh fuck.

"Shit is right. You want me to get you some advil or something?" Lily asked. Emma sat up quickly and realized she was naked. The swift motion caused a knife in her head to twist. She groaned.

"I'll take that as a yes." Lily said quietly, rising to find the advil. Emma watched as her ex walked around the room, half-naked and casual. She took a deep breath to try to calm herself, but the bile was rising in her throat. Lily returned with the advil and some water.

"You're not usually one to go over your limits." She said. Emma took the glass and the advil, hoping she would keep it all down. Fuck.

"I haven't done this in a while." Emma muttered. She pressed her hands to her temples. Fuck!

"Really? Huh. Well, you should probably call your girlfriend." Lily said, moving to her dresser to put on some clothes for the day. Emma sighed.

"Why am I naked?" She asked.

"Let's just say that you ruined your clothes from last night. Don't worry. I threw them in the wash. They should be done soon."

"Fair enough. You couldn't give me some of yours?"

"You passed out before I could."

"Fuck. Where is my phone?" Emma asked, staying beneath the covers. Lily pulled it out of the pocket of her jeans from last night and handed it over.

"Regina called last night while you were puking."

"Great. What did she say?"

"That she called. You should call her." Lily insisted. It made Emma a bit nervous, but she did. The phone rang four times before finally being answered.

"Regina?"

"Emma." Mal said.

"Mal, right?" Emma asked.

"Yep. What can I do for you?"

"Um. Can I talk to Regina?"

"Unfortunately no. It seems she left her phone here."

"Where is here?"

"My suite, of course. She got a call from Zelena this morning and rushed out. I'll make sure it gets back to her."

"Do you know if Mary Margaret is with her?"

"I'm sure she is. Good luck." Mal said, the grin clear in her words. Emma hung up the phone and sighed. Emma fell back onto the bed. Regina didn't…No. Of course not. She and Mal were friends. Then again, how could Emma judge her? She was laying in Lily's bed…Fuck. Emma couldn't remember whether or not they had hooked up and right now she didn't really want to ask.

"Trouble in paradise?" Lily asked.

"I feel like shit, but I have to go." Emma said. She didn't move. The nausea crept up into her throat.

"Why don't you just rest for a bit? It's only 10. Leave in a couple of hours when you feel better." Lily said. Emma had no choice but to agree.

Self-destruction is a very funny thing because if your hand is practiced, you can steal its power. Soon the drinks become poison in your mouth. The pills become bombs in your gut. Each blow you make to yourself slowly becomes hollow and you can only pray that your tears will baptize you and grant you rebirth. So, Regina let the kiss she shared with Mal charge her up the whole drive back to Long Island. It was only one kiss. Just one. It hardly counted as an infidelity, right? When she pulled up to the house, she saw Gold hobbling his way out.

"Ah, Regina. Nice to see you again." He said as she stepped out of the car.

"Hello Gold." She said, trying not to sound annoyed.

"I was just spending a little time with Cora." He said. His usual affects were missing. He seemed almost sad.

"How is she this morning?"

"She knew who I was. It was nice to see her." He said gently. Regina nodded.

"Thank you for coming by." She said. It was a genuine sentiment.

"Of course. You take care of yourself, dearie." He said, then he hobbled to his car. Regina sighed as she looked up at the house. The last 24 hours seemed to separate now, like it was someone else's life. Maybe it was. She walked into the house and looked around. Henry and Zelena were sitting in the living room, watching something on the tv.

"Hey mom!" Henry said. She leaned down and gave him a hug.

"Mary Margaret's in there with her now. I needed a break." Zelena said. Regina nodded.

"Yes. Thank you, by the way, for yesterday. It was nice to get away." Regina said, smiling. Henry looked past her.

"Where's Emma?" He asked.

"Oh, she went home. She needed to get back to work." Regina said smoothly. She planted a kiss on his little head and walked through the house to her mother's room. She had been summoned because Cora had apparently been asking for her rather forcefully.

"Mother?"

"Regina, you're back." Snow said. She was clearly eager to no longer be alone with the old woman.

"Indeed I am. How are you feeling, mother?" She asked. Cora smiled a bit too wide, but didn't say anything.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Snow asked. They stepped outside.

"Gold was here." Regina said.

"Yes, he was. I didn't invite him. He just showed up. I thought about calling you back and telling you that you didn't need to rush back, but I was kind of afraid of him…"

"That's fair. What did he want?" Regina asked.

"I think he just wanted to see her. I don't know."

"Were they alone at all?"

"Yes. She demanded to be left alone and he seemed to be fine."

"Great. That means she is definitely high on something. Nice work, Snow." Regina snapped.

"That's not fair and you know it." Mary Margaret snapped back. Regina pursed her lips.

"Fine. You're right." Regina said. She closed her eyes and massaged her temples.

"Why don't you and Henry go get some lunch? I can keep an eye on her for a little longer." Mary Margaret offered. Regina nodded.

"I appreciate it." She said, trying to sound kind. She failed, but she walked back to Henry none the less. Regina felt like she could sleep for three years.

"Hey, you want to go get something to eat?" Regina asked. Henry nodded. She looked at her elder sister.

"Do you want to come?" She asked. Zelena thought for a moment.

"Are you sure?" She asked. Regina shrugged.

"It's up to Henry." She said. Henry smiled.

"Then let's all get in the car!" He said. Regina walked back to the room and assured Snow that they would be back shortly. She kissed her mother on the head and then headed out to the car. Snow sighed and turned to the old woman that had been left in her charge.

"Look at you." Cora said, smiling, "You've gotten so grown up."

Snow sighed. They had gone through this exact conversation six times already. It was exhausting.

"I'm in college, Cora." Snow said. The old woman seemed shocked, just as she had six times before.

"Wow. What are you studying?" She asked. Mary Margaret couldn't do this again. She was so tired…but she needed to know something. There was a question that burned in her mind and Cora would know…

"Cora, can I ask you something?" She asked gently. Her voice shook just a little bit. Cora's eyes seemed to glitter for a moment, regaining some semblance of her old self.

"Of course." She said. Mary Margaret took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"But first," Cora said, "I'm going to need the gift that Mr. Gold left behind."

"You know I can't do that."

"Of course you can, my dear." Cora urged. Snow shook her head.

"Regina would kill me."

"Funny choice of words." Cora purred. Mary Margaret's eyes widened. Her hands clenched into a fist, but the resistance was futile. She hurried to her purse and pulled out the little bag if white powder Gold had left behind. She was suddenly thrilled that she hadn't flushed it immediately.

"Here." Snow snapped, "Now, I need you to tell me-"

"She did it. Not directly, but she did it. That reporter didn't act on his own." Cora said quickly, almost bored. She placed some of the white powder on her thumb and sniffed. Fabulous. What she said didn't matter anymore. Now she had this. Should she have felt bad for outing her daughter like that? Maybe, but what did it matter when she could feel _this_ again. Regina should have known better than to deprive her.

"How did you-?"

"Come, Mary Margaret, I know you've been wondering whether or not my daughter was responsible for your father's death since the day it happened. It's my short term memory that's going, dear, not my wits." Cora hissed. She took another snort of her coke. She hadn't felt this lucid is so very long. She could think again without getting so lost. She felt whole.

"And she did it?" Mary Margaret asked, it was almost a plea. A plea for her to have misunderstood. A plea for this to be anything but true.

"She did, my dear. Then, she invited the reporter over, dosed herself with a date rape drug, bedded him, and then shot herself to complete the story. Jealous PR man murders Mr. White, then makes an attempt on the Mrs. When she rejects him, he tries to kill her too! Stroke of genius, really." Cora explained. Snow's hands shook. She thought she might be sick. It was one thing to think that Regina had murdered her father, it was an entirely different thing to know that she had. All the while, Cora snorted more and more of her drug as if eager to make up for lost time. There was a strange pain behind her left eye, but she chose to ignore it.

"Why are you saying this?" Snow asked.

"Because it is the truth, dear."

"But it's horrible. You're-"

But Snow was cut off by the old woman's body crashing to the floor. Mary Margaret looked at the body, for it was no longer a person, just a body. Sweat beaded on her face. She knelt down and checked for a pulse, but there wasn't one. No. Not like this.

"Oh my god." She breathed. Snow pulled out her cell phone and dialed 911. Time seemed to stop. None of this felt real. This had to be someone else's life.

In the diner, Regina was also sweating. Memories of the previous night swirled in her mind. Kissing Mal. Kissing Emma. Wrapped in Emma's arms. Mal slapping her ass. Some of these memories weren't even real. Was this another anxiety attack? No. She was fine.

"Regina, are you alright?" Zelena asked, gently placing her hand on her sister's shoulder.

"Yes. I'm fine."

"You don't look it, dear."

"Well, I am." Regina snapped. Zelena sighed.

"Henry, why don't you go see if the arcade machines work?" Zelena said, pulling out some change from her purse. Henry shrugged and took the change, walking off. Part of him wanted to know what was going on, but a larger part of him was overwhelmed. A nice video game break seemed well, nice.

"Alright. Tell your big sis what's wrong." Zelena prodded. Regina pursed her lips.

"Big sis? Really? You hardly even know me."

"That's fair. Tell me what's wrong anyway."

"No."

"Alright. Fine. Don't tell me. I suppose I should just go buy a mop now for when your head explodes." Zelena mused. Regina scowled.

"How was mother?"

"Oh, you know. She was a handful. Still trying to go to work. Henry can usually get her to behave though."

"How's your family?" Regina asked. It was a sudden question, one that almost put Zelena off.

"They're fine. Enjoying life without me, probably."

"Then why do you stay?" Regina pressed, suddenly very interested.

"Why do you care?"

"Because I'm your little sister." Regina said.

"Cheeky…I don't know. I suppose I stay because Robin lost his first wife. She died of a bad flu. I suppose I would feel guilty." Zelena admitted, hoping that this would inspire her sister to open up as well.

"Hmm."

"Indeed."

Zelena's phone buzzed urgently on the table.

"Hello?" She said. Her eyes widened. Her hand reached out, trying to grab Regina. The younger woman froze.

"Zelena. Zelena, what happened!?"

Regina noted later how different her mother's death was from her father's. Her father's death had been like a cold, lead blanket. It had been smothering in its grief. Cora's death, however, was not. It was like being doused in cold water, shocking and then silent. Once the body had been collected, no one spoke. There was too much to do. Regina sat on the porch with Henry, holding his hand. Snow was in her room. Zelena was somewhere else. You see, Regina had to hold Henry's hand. She had to be with him. The urge to go out and snag a whole bottle of percsoet was overwhelming. What if she just had one little valium? Her mother had just died after all. No! She had to stay here. She had to stay with Henry. It was all she could do. Cora was dead. The cocaine had triggered an aneurysm. It wasn't unusual for longtime coke users. Regina was just shocked it had happened so fast, but that was the nature of her life, she supposed. She tried not to blame Mary Margaret…but it was her who gave Cora the coke….no. She had to stay with Henry and remember who she was trying to be.


	7. Chapter 7

**What the fuck was that Winter Finale? Here, have another chapter. Stay strong out there, Swen. Swan Queen is endgame for this story, so don't lose hope. I warn you though, there's going to be some Dragon Queen in this chapter, but it's SwanQueen all the way. Enjoy.**

 **Write me a nice message!**

 **Xoxo Q.M.**

Chapter Seven: Blackest Day

When Emma finally got to the house in Long Island, she wasn't feeling much better. Her head was swimming and she still didn't know whether or not she had cheated on Regina. She felt fifty shades of horrible. She hadn't meant for all of this to happen, but it had. Those drinks…Fuck. She knocked on the door. There was no answer. She knocked again. Zelena opened the door. She looked tired, beyond tired.

"Hey. Is Regina here?" Emma asked.

"Yes, but we should talk for a moment." Zelena said, walking out onto the porch, and shutting the door behind her.

"What's up?"

"Cora passed this morning. Aneurysm."

"Oh shit. I'm so sorry. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Zelena said, sighing. Was it true? Maybe. Who really knew in these kinds of situations? How were you supposed to feel when your estranged mother died of a sudden aneurysm brought on by a cocaine relapse after weeks of dementia? How was anyone supposed to feel?

"How is she?" Emma asked, feeling even worse about the previous night.

"She's out back with Henry."

"Ok." Emma said, moving to find them. Zelena stopped her.

"What happened between you two last night?"

"Excuse me?"

"Something happened, I can tell."

"And what makes it your business exactly?" Emma snapped. Zelena's face tightened into something frightening.

"You listen here, Miss Swan. Our mother just died, ok? If you're going to come in here and complicate matters, then I think it would be best if you just-"

"Zelena, it's fine." Regina said, walking onto the porch.

"Regina, I'm sorry. I was just trying-"

"I know. Please go be with Henry for a moment. I will take care of this." Regina said. There were wrinkles in her eyes. She seemed so much older than she had last night. Zelena nodded and placed a hand on her sister's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. Then, she went back into the house. Emma just stood there, overcome with emotion. She wanted to rush in and take Regina into her arms. She wanted to hold her close, so close that they were one person. She wanted to kiss her. She wanted to scream.

"Hey." Emma said.

"Hey."

"I'm sorry about last night." Emma said, moving closer. Regina tensed, ready to move away.

"Don't worry about it."

"I was just-"

"Emma, I really can't do this right now."

"I just want to-"

"I said I can't do this."

"Ok. We can talk about it later. Come here." Emma said. Regina didn't move. She just crossed her arms and stood her ground. Emma's heart fell.

"I mean it, Emma. I can't do this."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I need you to go." Regina said gently. Emma's swallowed hard and Regina's eyes glistened with tears.

"Regina, please. I'm sorry about last night."

"I understand and I forgive you."

"Then why are you doing this?" Emma asked, her voice shaking. It was so genuinely confused that Regina almost reconsidered.

"My mother just died, Emma. I need to process that."

"I don't want you to hurt like this. I don't want you to be alone." Emma pleaded.

"I'm not alone, and honestly, I have to hurt for a little while. That's the nature of these things." Regina explained. Emma choked down a sob, trying to be strong. Behind her, a car pulled up.

"Shit." Regina said quietly. This Emma business was supposed to be over by now. Mal stepped out of her black Cadillac, her face as cold as ever. Emma's heart snapped into a thousand pieces. She glared at Regina, unable to contain her jealousy, her betrayal.

"Emma, before you freak out-"

"Seriously? So that's it, huh? You're just going back to your old life? I thought you changed! All she's going to do is drag you-"

"That is enough, you petulant child!" Regina hissed. Emma let her tears take hold. Regina knew she wouldn't understand…

"Is she bothering you, Regina?" Mal asked, her heels clicking a death knell on the wood of the steps.

"Go inside." Regina barked. Mal nodded and obeyed.

"Listen, Mal knew Mother. She is important to me. I am mourning, Emma! This is not about you! This is not about us! This is about my mother! So just go home!" Regina shouted, tears threatening to ruin her makeup. Emma covered her mouth. The blow to her heart was too damaging to bear.

"I thought I was home." Emma whispered. Before Regina could say anything else, she turned and went to her car. Regina was quick to go back inside. Emma slammed her fists on her steering wheel. She slammed them again and again until she was sure that bruises would form. She cried and she screamed. No! She was supposed to be the one beside Regina during this whole mess. She was supposed to be there. She was supposed to hold her and catch her tears. She was the one who loved her! The revelation made Emma freeze. She was the one who loved her. She did love Regina. That was the feeling she felt in her chest, in her head, in her whole body. She loved her…Emma gazed up at the house. She couldn't go in now and proclaim her love. She had to go home. So, she turned the key in her ignition and drove off. She loved Regina White. She loved her so much. Emma decided she would get her back. She had to. She cried the whole way home.

Inside the house, Mal was attempting to cook some pasta at the stove while Regina and Henry sat at the breakfast bar. Zelena was on the phone and no one had seen Mary Margaret in hours.

"I think one of your burners is busted." Mal said. Regina didn't say anything at all. Henry just pressed himself harder into his mother's shoulder. He didn't know why Emma was sent away. He didn't know why Mal was here. He didn't know why Cora had to die. He didn't know anything, it seemed. It gnawed at him and he hated it.

"Do you want me to order out instead? Snow and I could go pick something up." Henry said to Regina. She looked down at him and pet his little head.

"Would you like that?" She asked. Henry pressed his head into his mother's chest.

"Would you?" He asked. His voice was so impossibly small.

"Yes. I think that's a good idea." She said. Henry nodded and set off immediately to complete his mission. Once he was out of the room, Regina seemed to slump lower into her chair.

"Hey." Mal said gently.

"Hey."

"The kid will be fine. You raised him well."

"I hope so."

Snow and Henry walked into the room, hand in hand. The young woman didn't look anyone in the eye, assuming Mal to be a probably accomplice in her father's murder.

"We're off! The usual?" Henry asked. They two women nodded and Henry dragged Snow out the door.

"She seems off." Mal observed. Regina shrugged.

"She was the one who gave Cora the coke. She probably feels guilty."

"Do you blame her?"

"For what? The guilt or Mother's death?"

"Both."

"What's the point? We're even now." Regina said gently.

"Is that so?" Zelena said, walking into the room. Mal and Regina exchanged an anxious look.

"What do you want, Zelena?" Regina asked, feeling more exhausted than ever.

"Nothing in particular. I take it you were responsible for your last husband's passing?" She asked slowly. Mal leaned over the breakfast bar and placed her hand on Regina's.

"Yes, I was, but I don't really want to talk about it right now."

"Of course." Zelena said.

"You're awfully understanding." Mal said, almost amused. Zelena shrugged.

"Ye without sins may cast the first stone."

"Fair enough." Mal nodded. Regina just sunk lower and lower into her chair.

"I just can't believe she's gone." Regina whispered. The tears came, hard and messy. Mal walked around the breakfast bar to hold her close. Regina sobbed, the pain ripping through her just like the belt, just like the mirror. All of her scars seemed to glow red hot.

"God, I hated her so much. I thought her death would be a blessing."

"Give it time, babe. Give it time." Mal whispered.

The days that followed were difficult. Funeral arrangements needed to be made. Board members needed to be called. Zelena and Mal helped where they could. Snow stayed strangely quiet through these affairs. After two days, Snow took Henry home to resume life as usual. Zelena said she would stay until the funeral was over. Mal stayed with Regina in the Long Island house. Regina couldn't bear to leave the house yet, not until the funeral was over. Her days were filled with talking about Cora with Zelena; all the good and bad of it. Her nights were filled with quiet whispers and desperate kisses with Mal. She hadn't meant to make this a sexual thing, but she needed somewhere to go sometimes. She needed something to break up the pain. Each thrust was like a knife in her soul. If it couldn't be perfect, then it had to be broken beyond repair. She was imploding and every scrape of Mal's teeth felt like freedom. If she could just break herself apart…then maybe she wouldn't have to miss Emma or Mother. If she shattered, then it wouldn't matter who she had been or who she needed to be. Nothing would matter anymore and wasn't that freedom? Wasn't it? After one particularly violent session, Mal asked Regina an important question.

"Regina, why did you send Emma back to New York?"

Regina's answer was to crawl up Mal's torso and rake her tongue across her neck.

"Regina."

"You talk too much." Regina purred. She threw her leg over the blonde's hips and scratched her way down to her bellybutton.

"And you do too much deflecting." Mal countered. Regina didn't listen. She ran her fingers over the places she had scratched, trailing kisses as she went. She teased Mal's clit with her index finger and slipped herself inside. Mal growled, sitting up. She grabbed Regina's hands and held them over her head. Regina's breath hitched. She licked her lips.

"Stop it. Talk to me."

"Fuck me."

"Regina. Stop it."

"Pound me into submission."

"Tell me what's going on with Emma."

"Break me, Mal!"

"Honestly, if you brought me here to be your scratching post then you have made a mistake. I'm here to help you, Regina. I'm not here to help you bury your feelings. What the fuck is wrong with you?" Mal snapped. Regina didn't want to hear this. She wanted to bury her feelings. She absolutely didn't want to talk about Emma.

"A lot. A lot is wrong with me, Mal. If you want to help me, then bend me over this bed and teach me a lesson. You're so good at that." Regina said.

"You're such a brat."

"I'm your brat."

"No, you're not!" Mal said. She was really getting pissed off now.

"Right now I am."

"You love her, Regina! I'm not fucking you anymore. I thought you just needed a break, but this has gone on long enough."

"No!"

"Yes! Yes it has. Cora died and that has clearly fucked you up. Deal with it! Call Emma and fucking deal with your life!" Mal said. Regina's face screwed up with rage and it quickly turned to terror.

"She can't see me like this!" Regina pleaded.

"It's who you are, Regina. You're messy and terrifying and amazing and beautiful! I'm your best friend, ok? No one knows that more than me. You're a fucking nightmare and I can only imagine what you were like when you detoxed. Emma saw that and she still wanted to be with you. Don't deny her the chance to love you. You probably think you're saving her, but you're not. You're fucking up." Mal said. Then, she let go of Regina's hands and got out of the bed.

"I'm going to go sleep in another room." Mal said gently. Then, she was gone. Regina was left kneeling on the bed. She couldn't call Emma. Not like this. The desperate creature who feeds on all the dregs of humanity was the not the person Regina wanted to be, not with Emma. This dark part of her was supposed to be under control. Regina cursed herself. She was supposed to be stronger than this. She was supposed to be in control. She crawled up to the top of the bed and laid her head on the pillow. It was sort of funny how, dead or alive, this was what happened when Cora was on her mind. Always here: In bed, tears streaming down her face. How was she supposed to go on without her? How was she supposed to go back to work without Mother? Mother had always guided her, always cared for her…Well, she had always guided her. No. Of course Mother loved Regina. Of course she did. She just didn't know how to love gently. Regina wasn't the great at it herself. She rolled over and grabbed her phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey." Emma said. Her mind swirled with fear and anger and something kind.

"How are you?"

"Really?"

"I'm sorry about the other day."

"…"

"…"

"I am too. I know you're grieving."

"I didn't mean for you to be there when Mal arrived…"

"Why? So you could screw her without feeling guilty?" Emma said, hostile but calm.

"Emma. You said I don't know you…but I don't feel like you know me either. I don't see how you could ever possibly love me…not like this." Regina whispered. Her tears returned and Emma could hear the quiet hiccups over the phone.

"Regina…Can I just come over?"

"Mal is still here."

"Are you still sleeping with her?"

"No."

"Then I will be there soon." Emma said. She disconnected the call and sighed. Was she being a fool? Emma had no idea whether or not this was a good idea. What she did know was that she missed Regina. She needed to see her. Emma threw her legs over the side of the bed and glanced at the clock. If she left now, she would be there by 11pm. Not bad. She threw some clothes into a duffel and headed out into the hallway of her apartment.

"Emma." James said.

"What?"

"Where are you going?"

"To see Regina." Emma said, ready for a fight. James sighed and leaned on the wall.

"I thought she was shacking up with Mal."

"She's not anymore."

"Emma, don't do this to yourself."

"I miss her, James."

"She hurt you." James reminded her, trying to be gentle. The anger he felt was so strong though.

"And was it always easy with Killian? Has he never hurt you?"

"It's not the same."

"Why not? Because I am an alcoholic? Because I had a slip up? That wasn't her fault, James."

"She just brings out the darker-"

"Don't you dare blame her for that!"

"Fine. I just don't want to see you fall."

"Then support me, James." Emma said. He nodded and walked over to her. He pulled her into a strong hug and they both took a deep breath.

"I love you, ok?" He said. Emma nodded.

"I love you too, bud."

"Take care of yourself." He said finally, then she left. The drive seemed too short and it didn't give her enough time to think. A huge part of her was angry with Regina and with herself. Regina had been sleeping with her ex for a few days. The thought of that made her skin crawl. Grief did weird things to people for sure, but it was no excuse. Regina was troubled for sure, but it was no excuse. Emma thought back to Lily. Lily has stopped things before they could get out of hand, but Emma had apparently initiated something. That was why she was driving back. Emma supposed she understood how high emotional turmoil could lead to poor impulse control…that didn't mean she had to like it.

 _Emma got to her apartment and threw the door shut._

 _"What happened?" James asked, concern clearly written on his face._

 _"She's fucking Mal again." Emma shouted. She threw her keys against the wall. Anger pulsed through her like fire and that fire wanted to devour. James was on his feet moving toward her._

 _"Hey. Let's just take a deep breath."_

 _"Back off!" Emma snapped. She thundered into her room and placed her bag on the floor. She paced around it. She opened the bag and pulled out the prize: A bottle of the cheapest tequila she could find. She placed the bottle on her bed and stared at it. She didn't have to do this, but she did. She had to drink it. She needed it. Oh god, she needed it. The burn, the warm blanket, all of it. She needed this and no one was going to stop her. What did it matter if they did?_

 _"Emma." James said, knocking on her door._

 _"Go away."_

 _"No."_

 _"I swear to god, James."_

 _"I'm coming in." He said. She didn't have locks on her door. She hadn't allowed herself to have them. He saw the bottle and she dove for it and so did he._

 _"No!" He said._

 _"Fuck off!"_

 _"No, Emma!" He said. They fought over the bottle, each person with a strong grip on the glass._

 _"I need this, James! Don't you take this away from me!"_

 _"You worked too hard Emma!" He shouted, finally getting the bottle away from her. They were both panting._

 _"Just a little bit." She whispered._

 _"No."_

 _"Please, James. Please." Emma pleaded._

 _"You will thank me for this later."_

 _"James, please." She whispered, almost in tears again. He walked out of the room with the bottle and hurried to the sink. He dumped the whole thing into the drain and then walked to pick up her keys._

 _"Don't leave this apartment." He said, stern. He sounded more like a father than a friend. It was just like the old days, just like that._

 _"James. James, please."_

When she finally pulled up to the house in Long Island, Emma felt like she could behave. No outbursts of anger. She could be gentle. Emma walked up to the door, but didn't bother to knock. The inside of the house was dark, looming with a sense of dread. Well, it wasn't going to work on Emma. She was here to see the woman she loved. She didn't care what it meant or what other people thought. She just wanted to see Regina.

"Emma." Zelena said. Emma jumped.

"Oh. Zelena. Uh, why are you sitting in the dark?"

"Oh, you know. Feelings, I think." Zelena admitted. She took a sip of her wine.

"I'm here to-"

"I know why you're here. You know, I'm sorry about the other day."

"It's cool. You were just trying to be a good sister."

"I was just trying to be a sister. I don't know if I can try to be a good one. I don't have much practice." Zelena said, sighing. Emma smiled.

"Go to her." Zelena urged, "She misses you too."

So, she did. Emma walked down the hall, to the door she suspected Regina was behind. She knocked gently. The door opened and there she was. Regina stood, in a satin night dress. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying. Her face was hesitant, frightened. Emma reached out and cupped her cheek.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Then their lips met and it was chaste. It was simple and wonderful. It was all they had been waiting for. When they pulled apart, Regina was smiling.

"I'm sorry." She said. Emma sighed and pulled her into a hug.

"I know."

"I do love you." Regina whispered," And I'm sorry for that too. My love is nothing but a burden."

"I love you too, Regina." Emma whispered.

 **Write a review. This is one of my favorite chapters that I have ever written. Regina is so tortured and I love it. Snow's revelation will come into play soon.**


	8. Chapter 8

**I think it's funny that I always come back to this story when my own life is wracked with tragedy. I started writing this piece when my grandfather died and now, I return to it fresh out of another funeral.**

 **Anywho, drop me a review please. It would really make my day.**

Chapter 8: Terrence Loves You

"You love me?" Regina whispered. It was pure disbelief. There was no way that anyone could ever truly love her. There was no way. She had been too bad for too long.

"I do." Emma said, bringing Regina into her arms. She kissed her forehead and brought her into a protective hug. Regina was more than a little shocked. After all she had done?

"But I thought-"

"Regina, I freaked out. I pushed you away…then you ran to Mal and I freaked out even more."

"Emma I-"

"Let me finish…I screwed up. I made some bad decisions. I almost cheated on you…I mean, I tried to. God. I just…I know I want to be with you. I probably shouldn't. I should probably save myself the heartache and leave right now…but God, I would miss you. I love you, Regina. I do. I want to see what happens next. Ok. I'm done." Emma said. She blushed, ashamed of her admission. Regina ran her fingers through Emma's hair, then pulled back.

"Emma…I'm scared." She whispered. "I'm scared that you won't mean any of that when you finally see the rest."

"I'm ready to try."

"I slept with Mal."

"I know…"

"And you still want me?" Regina asked.

"I do. Should I? Who knows? But I do. You're fucked up, Regina. You do fucked up shit, but so do I. I'm not here to fix you and you can't fix me either…but I know you want to change. You already have. You kicked your addiction and you cared for your terrible mother and damn it, I'm proud of you." Emma said. There were tears in her eyes. There were tears in Regina's eyes as well.

"I'm so sorry, Emma." Regina said. Her voice trembled with emotion.

"I know. I know you are. I'm sorry too." Emma said. They were both crying now.

"I love you." Regina whispered, finally allowing herself to return to Emma's arms. They held one another tightly, in silence, for a few moments.

"This is so fucked up." Regina said, chuckling.

"Well, no one's perfect."

"What a relief."

"Yeah. Really. Can we just snuggle tonight?"

"Yeah."

And they did. They climbed into bed and just laid beside one another for a long time. Why do we hurt the ones we love? Why do we hurt ourselves? They didn't know the answers, but they didn't have to know yet. They just needed to stay right there, together. For that night, it was enough.

The next morning, there was a well expected tension in the air. Mal, Regina, Zelena, and Emma all sat at the table, eyes in their coffee cups. No one really wanted to say very much. The funeral would soon be upon them. Regina, however, felt a certain amount of responsibility to start and maintain a conversation. All of these people were here for her, after all. But what was there to say? What could she say? She said what she felt.

"I appreciate all of you staying with me during this time." Regina said gently. Her three guests all looked up and seemed to acknowledge the words silently, waiting for someone else to take the reins. Finally, Mal spoke up.

"You're welcome, Regina." She said. Emma looked up and chewed her lip. She wouldn't be outdone.

"Yeah. We're happy to support you." Emma said, reaching out and taking Regina's hand. Zelena took a long sip of her coffee, shooting at gaze at them over the lip of her cup. Mal, however, was unperturbed by Emma's protective gesture. Regina wasn't hers to claim, nor fuck, nor love. She was her own person, and Mal was happy for her. Zelena, out of the bunch, somehow felt the most out of place. She had flown halfway across the world to care for a parental figure she didn't really know. Now she was seated with her sister and her sister's lovers and somehow a funeral was coming. She had no idea what it was going to be like, but Regina had said something about the press? What kind of people were they that the press would be in attendance? Perhaps this would be a small taste of Regina's life and Zelena couldn't decide whether or not she wanted it.

The funeral was the following day and that night, Regina barely spoke. She spent a long hour staring off into the sea and Emma chose not to interrupt her. Regina's eyes rested on the shoreline and her mind wrangled with her mother. This was to be a funeral indeed. A funeral for a monster who carved herself a place in this world. She carved her place out of the men she used and her children and perhaps even parts of herself. Everything for the further glory of the Mills family.

The funeral was a grand affair, taking place in the largest church Regina could book. The service had been short, but appropriately lavish. Flowers, songs, speakers, the works. There were over 400 people in attendance and more waiting outside with cameras and microphones and notes. The death of Cora Mills was a social event. It was politics and business and Regina stood in the center of it all, feeling fully that her mother was never really hers.

"I'd like to thank you all for coming today. Cora, as many of you know, was not an easy woman to get along with." Regina said, glancing momentarily at the casket. It was open and her mother lay there peacefully. It felt so incredibly out of character that it was almost comical.

"She was a hard woman who came from nothing, but she built herself up and became the Queen that all of us came to know. She was imperious, strong, and opinionated. We were all lucky to know her." Regina said. She raised her glass of champagne.

"To Cora!" She said. The room replied in turn and everyone drank. The pall-bearers rose from their seats and Regina moved out of the way so that they could attend to their duties. Rivers and Claude took the front and other bodyguards took the rest. They carried the casket out of the large cathedral with Regina and Zelena following behind. Emma, Henry, James, Killian, and Mary Margaret also followed as "the family." Gold, Mal, Whale, and Jefferson were there as well, but they simply watched everyone leave. Flashbulbs blinded the party as they walked out, but this was nothing new to them. Well, at least not to Regina. She could already see the next day's headlines. **Billionaire Widow Buries Mother With New Lover in Tow! Secret Sister Surfaces!** Reporters were nothing more than hungry dogs fighting over scraps of her family's sorrow.

"Mrs. White! A comment for the Mirror!" One man said. More reporters begged her for anything she was willing to say. She said nothing and pulled the black veil lower over her eyes. She found her car and climbed into the passenger's seat. Zelena had decided to drive. Emma, Henry, Mary Margaret climbed into the back. James and Killian thought it best to take a separate car to the cemetery. The mourners rode in silence until they reached the place where Cora would take her final rest. It was a small cemetery about an hour out of the city. When the car came to a stop, Regina climbed out and walked wordlessly to her father's headstone.

"Hello, Daddy." She said quietly. Burying Cora here was almost an insult, but fuck if Regina cared. Cora was dead; she had no say in anything anymore. Other funeral guests arrived over the course of the next half hour while the family sat in chairs near the casket. A priest conducted a prayer as Cora was lowered. What a joke. Finally, it was done. Regina wasn't sure how she felt. She hadn't shed a public tear throughout the entire proceeding. Henry, seated behind her, put his hands on her shoulders.

"I love you, Mom." He said. Regina finally broke. Sobs ripped through her, louder than was considered fashionable. Zelena, seated beside her, placed her hand on Regina's. The cameras went off again. No one wanted to miss the weeping widow. All the while, Mary Margaret sat in stony silence, watching. Was this justice for her father? Was this what needed to be done? Regina was a murderer and the more she thought on that, the harder it was to sit there and watch people comfort her.

Regina managed to settle herself down by the time the guests were supposed to pay their respects. They formed a line and shook her hand and told her how sorry they all were. Ursula and her father were there. Cruella came. Mal hugged her tightly.

"I love you, kid. Don't hesitate to call me." She said. Regina nodded. Investors and employees and people who called themselves old friends all came through, offering support. They were almost certainly empty gestures, but Regina suspended her disbelief and she almost bought it. Throughout the process, Emma hung back. She wasn't sure if Regina would want her to play the part of her partner. Not here, in front of the media. When the guests finally started to make their way to their cars to go home, Regina stood and walked over to her mother's headstone.

"Cora Mills. Beloved Mother." She read aloud. Regina slid slowly to her knees, dress be damned. Cora was gone. She was really gone. She was finally free. They both were. James walked up behind Regina and gently placed his hand on her shoulder.

"You ok?" He asked. Regina shrugged.

"I don't know, but thank you for coming, even if you did bring that pirate." Regina said. She had tried to make a joke, but it had fallen into more of a snipe with the weight of her grief. James helped her to her feet and pulled her into a hug. He didn't care. All bets were off when grief was fresh.

"Of course, Regina. Please let me know if you need anything. I mean that." He said. Regina finally pulled back from their hug.

"I know." She said quietly. Killian nodded to her from a few feet away. Zelena, Henry, and Mary Margaret made their way over to them, wondering what to do next. Emma hung back as if waiting for her turn. Mal stood on the edge of the cemetery, watching.

"Do you want to go get some lunch?" Zelena asked, her voice flat and tired. Regina shook her head.

"No, not yet, but please, don't hang around here any longer than you want to." Regina said, her voice edged. She threw her hands up.

"I didn't mean-"

"I know. Let's go get some food, Henry." Zelena said. She reached out and squeezed Regina's shoulder before turning and going, nephew in tow. Mary Margaret didn't move. She stared Regina down as James and Killian walked off to their car. Regina and Mary Margaret stood in silence for a little bit, soaking in the mood of the day.

"So, you know, don't you?" Regina asked. Mary Margaret clenched her jaw.

"Why did you take him from me?" She whispered, starting to cry.

"Do you really want to know that, Snow?" Regina said gently, invoking her childhood nickname. Mary Margaret did want to know, she did. She couldn't imagine what would warrant-

"He raped me." Regina said softly. Tears sprung to both of their eyes, all in anger.

"You're a liar."

"We had been married for six months never sharing more than our wedding kiss. He said he didn't mind waiting for me to come around, but he lied. He said he wanted to have a second honeymoon at home. You remember. The weekend that you spent with Granny. She took you to Coney Island to ride the Ferris Wheel. You still have the picture in your room."

"No. He didn't."

"He did. He was drunk on whiskey, angry that I wouldn't drink with him. He said we should have no secrets between us, that he was my husband."

"Stop it."

"He came into my room. He hated that I slept in my own room. He said he had earned it, that if nothing else, I was paid for. I fought him at first, but that didn't last long. He said I was too pretty for my own good, that I was cruel for being so beautiful." Regina said. Mary Margaret cried openly, desperately wanting this to be a pack of lies.

"You murdered him!" She wailed.

"I was a child! I was younger than you are now, Mary Margaret. I still dream of that night…of him." Regina said.

"I should have you arrested." Mary Margaret snapped. Regina chuckled.

"I'm sorry, my dear. Not even your fairytale life could escape the ugliness of this world. I won't begrudge you remembering him as a good man, but you cannot erase his cruelty with your foolish wishing. He took from me that which was mine and so, to him, I did the same. Though it seems, you and I are now even." Regina said. Mary Margaret looked away, composing herself at last.

"Yes. We are…I'm not sorry."

"Neither am I."

For a moment, neither woman spoke. The gravity of their lives and what they had made of them was too heavy for words, but it seemed the cycle of revenge and pain had ended. Now they could heal. Now they could live on past the parents that had made monsters of them, and of lives that they had fashioned for themselves. Neither woman knew what the future would hold for their relationship, but both of them secretly hoped it would be less violent.

"I'm going." Mary Margaret said. She walked off towards her car without another word and Regina let her. There was nothing more to be said for now. Regina turned back around and stared at her mother's headstone. Beloved Mother. Yes, it seemed she was in spite of Regina's best efforts. She couldn't help but love her mother. All her pain and sorrow couldn't stop that pesky thing called love.

"How are you holding up?" Mal asked, finally making her approach. Regina wrapped her arms around herself.

"I'm ok." She said gently. Mal nodded and looked down at Cora's headstone.

"Cora was really something." She said.

"She was a monster." Regina whispered. Mal sighed and reached out for her old love, her old friend.

"She was." Mal said, reaching up to the scar on Regina's lip. How many other scars were hiding in her skin? Countless.

"Even though she's gone, she'll never really go away. Not completely. She's right here." Regina whispered. The tears were coming back.

"Yes, in the ground." Mal insisted.

"No, she's right here. She's inside me like a sickness. I'll be fighting her all my life." Regina said. Mal took Regina into her arms and held her tightly.

"You're different. I promise you that much, dear." Mal said softly. Emma watched this from far away and something in her felt too small to make peace with the day. She considered crashing their moment, but it felt like exactly that, like she would be crashing it. This was a strange plot point that she wasn't really a part of. She hadn't known Cora, not really. She felt so far away from the one she loved so much. Almost as if Regina felt it, she broke her embrace with Mal and looked over at Emma. She smiled a cautious half-smile and gestured for Emma to join them. An invitation, an unspoken promise that Emma did belong here. It took great restraint not to run over to her love, but when she arrived, Regina slid into her arms immediately.

"Hey." She said gently. Mal smiled and nodded.

"I'm off, Regina. You let me know if you need anything." She said finally. Mal clapped Emma on the shoulder before turning to go.

"Take care." She said, sounding more like an order than a comfort. But that was her way. Mal's heels sunk into the earth as she walked away from the funeral. She walked away from Regina knowing it was good and truly over. They would never again get high under the stars. They would never again crash against one another, and for better or worse, that was ok. Mal had herself, as she always did. She had her music and her life and she knew Regina would be happy. That was enough.

"How are you doing?" Emma asked. Regina dug her face deeper into her neck.

"I'm ok." She said. How many time had she said that today alone? It was true though. Her mother was dead, her sister was present, her old lover was leaving, and she was here. She was ok. Her blood burned with a sense of longing.

"What do you need?" Emma asked. Regina chuckled. Emma was so sweet, so kind. Regina needed so much.

"Maybe I need you." She whispered. The kiss that came next was hungry and wanting. It melted into another kiss and then another. Regina was ok and Emma? Emma was finding her way there. She was ok too.

"Let's go find Zelena and Henry. We should eat." Regina said finally pulling away. Emma nodded.

"You got it, Your Majesty." Emma said. Regina took her hand and they walked away from the grave. Yes, Cora would always be there, in the back of Regina's mind, making her demands and screaming her curses...but that voice would get quieter with time. It would fade into the background noise just like the drugs and the voice of revenge. It would transform from a command to a relic of a time gone by, something to reflect on instead of just reflect. As they walked across the green stretch of grass that separated Regina from her past, they could both feel eyes. A flash. Another flash.

"Fucking vultures." Regina cursed. She whipped her head around and saw him, a singular shutterbug hiding over behind a tree. His feline smile twisted Regina's temper. She tensed, ready to walk over there and tell him exactly what she-

"Regina, don't." Emma said. The blonde gripped her lover's hand tighter.

"Emma, I-"

"Let's just go get something to eat." Emma said. Regina sighed and shot a good glare over to the reporter.

"Ok."

The strange thing about funerals is that they seem to sap the energy out of every moment of the day. Even if you're not feeling the weight of grief, the colors of a funeral day seem muted. Emma and Regina joined Zelena and Henry back in the city for dinner. It was a quiet affair with everyone experiencing their own type of strange sadness. Regina had a martini. Zelena sipped on a gin and tonic.

"I have an announcement to make." Zelena said finishing her drink. Everyone looked up from their plates, nervous.

"I've decided to stay here." Zelena said.


End file.
